The very best of Jeremy Clarkson
By Clive Python | 14jammar
Everyone and their dog knows who Jeremy Clarkson is, so let us look back at his great past!
Quotes
Lorry Drivers (Nov 2008)
Gordon Brown (Feb 2009)
Black Muslim Lesbians (Oct 2009)
The Burka (Jul 2010)
Special needs Ferrari (Oct 2010)
The Mexicans (Feb 2011)
George Michael (Jul 2011)
The One Show (Nov 2011)
Indian (Jan 2012)
Thai controversy (Mar 2014)
Childs Play (May 2014)
Liverpool (Feb 2015)
https://owlman.neocities.org/library/clarkson.html
https://web.archive.org/web/*/https://owlman.neocities.org/library/clarkson.html
https://web.archive.org/web/20170118141113/https://owlman.neocities.org/clarkson/
Please note: This was written in spite and I now regret writing it
While driving a lorry: "What matters to lorry drivers? Murdering prostitutes? Fuel economy? [...] This
is a hard job [driving a lorry] and I'm not just saying this to win favour with lorry drivers: change
gear; change gear; change gear; check your mirrors; murder a prostitute."
Comparing Gordon Brown to the then Australian prime minister Kevin Rudd: "It's the first time I've ever
seen a world leader [Rudd] admit we really are in deep shit. He genuinely looked terrified. Poor man, he's
actually seen the books. We have this one-eyed Scottish idiot who keeps telling us everything's fine and
he's saved the world and we know he's lying, but he's smooth at telling us."
Clarkson personally apologised to Gordon Brown.
Talking to the Top Gear magazine: "The problem is that television executives have got it into their heads
that if one presenter on a show is a blond-haired, blue-eyed heterosexual boy, the other must be a black
Muslim lesbian. Chalk and cheese, they reckon, works. But here we have Top Gear setting new records after
six years using cheese and cheese. It confuses them."
On distractions when driving: "Honestly, the burka doesn't work. I was in a cab in Piccadilly the other
day when a woman in a full burka crossing the road in front of me tripped over the pavement, went head over
heels and up it came, red G-string and stockings."
On the Ferrari F430 Speciale: "it was a bit wrong [...] that smiling front end [...] it looked like a simpleton
[...] [it] should have been called the 430 Speciale Needs."
Richard Hammond joked that Mexican cars reflected national characteristics, saying they were "just going to be
lazy, feckless, flatulent, overweight, leaning against a fence asleep looking at a cactus with a blanket with a
hole in the middle on as a coat". May described Mexican food as "like sick with cheese on it".
Clarkson predicted they would not get any complaints because "at the Mexican embassy, the ambassador is going to
be sitting there with a remote control like this [he snores]. They won't complain, it's fine." The BBC was forced
to apologise to the Mexican ambassador but also defended the show's presenters, saying national
stereotyping was part of British humour. Which it's not.
In a review of a Jaguar XKR-S he said: "It's very fast and very, very loud. And then in the corners it will get its
tail out more readily than George Michael." In response, the singer said that Clarkson was "homophobic" and "pig ugly".
On public sector workers taking part in a 24-hour strike: "I'd have them all shot. I would have them taken
outside and executed them in front of their families." About 31,000 people complained, the BEEB was forced to apologise.
While driving a Jaguar around an Indian slum with a toilet fitted in the boot: "This is perfect for India because
everyone who comes here gets the trots."
Clarkson and Hammond were on a Thai bridge, there was a man standing on it. Clarkson said "That is a proud moment -
but there's a slope on it." Hammond replied: "You're right, it's definitely higher on that side."
Ofcom found that Clarkson had used an "offensive racial term" that caused offence and breached broadcasting rules.
In a Top Gear outtake, Clarkson recited the beginning of the children's nursery rhyme eeny, meeny, miny, moe before
mumbling: "Catch a nigger by his toe." He later wrote in the Sun: "I've been told by the BBC that if
I make one more offensive remark, anywhere, at any time, I will be sacked."
What's odd it that the BBC has played the [edited] episode more than once, even after this whold row.
In a Sunday Times column about the city: "People up there earn less, die more quickly, have fewer jobs
and live in houses that are worth the square root of sod all."
Written by Clive "James" Python, c. 2016.