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August 22, 2002

Shit on a summons
WKMG-TV 6 Orlando | Submitted by: Rio
"A Westport man has been accused of using a jury summons as toilet paper and sending it back to the Connecticut Judicial Department. Christopher Gurahian, 38, allegedly smeared excrement on the jury summons, wrote 'stop wasting paper' on it, and mailed it back to the state Judicial Department, state police said."

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New wizard needed for New Zealand
Stuff NZ | Submitted by: doofus
"The Wizard has been a wizard since the 1960s, when he launched his fun revolution. In 1980 he was made Wizard of Christchurch, and Prime Minister Mike Moore appointed him New Zealand's first wizard a decade later." Now considering retiring as a living work of art and going back to being a normal person, suitably qualified successor sought.

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NYFD's died in WTC due to defective radio
Salon | Submitted by: Meerkat
This story has been mostly ignored (repressed) by the mainstream media. "FDNY chiefs were working with defective radios and often could not communicate their orders to evacuate. The same radio system had failed eight years earlier, during the 1993 terrorist attack on the World Trade Center." So there were firefighters in the second tower who had not realized the first had actually collapsed, and were unaware of evacuation orders. Using knowingly poor equipment. D'oh.

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Saudis to sue US over September 11 attacks
Wire Services | Submitted by: anonymous
"A group of Saudis plan to sue the U.S. government and media organizations for the alleged psychological and financial damage they suffered in the aftermath of September 11, their lawyer said on Wednesday. "Tens of Saudi nationals seriously plan to file lawsuits against [the] U.S. government..."

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US wargames fixed to ensure WIN
Guardian | Submitted by: Bungknuckle
The game was rigged, though: "We were directed... to move air defences so that the army and marine units could successfully land," he said. "We were simply directed to turn [air defence systems] off or move them... So it was scripted to be whatever the control group wanted it to be... The Army Times reported that, as commander of a low-tech, third-world army, Gen Van Riper appeared to have repeatedly outwitted US forces."

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Do your best Anna Nichole Smith
Wire Services | Submitted by: BIG TUMA
A 72-year old German man wants a young lady, preferably under 30, to have sex with him. If she's the last one to ever sleep with him, she gets his $244,000 inheritance.

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Caught wearing women's underwear
Rocky Mountain News | Submitted by: DETN8R
A man who stabbed a woman to death after she caught him wearing women's underwear was sentenced Monday to 40 years in prison. Michael Nunez, 30, showed no emotion as the sentence was imposed. He was convicted in June of second-degree murder for fatally stabbing Corina Martinez, a 59-year-old grandmother who worked as a security guard at the 16th Street Mall, where Nunez worked in a sandwich shop."

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Cash stolen in drug deal is tax deductable
Sydney Morning Herald | Submitted by: Ross
"A heroin dealer can claim a $220,000 tax deduction for money stolen during a drug deal, the Federal Court has ruled. Justice Robert Nicholson ruled that Francesco Domenico La Rosa earned his taxable income by dealing drugs so he was entitled to claim the deduction because the money was stolen during a deal directly connected with his illicit business."

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Granny, 60, dumps husband for chatroom toyboy
Sydney Morning Herald | Submitted by: Ross
"Sylvia Ouhtit, 60, walked out on her husband Eric Norton, 62, to marry Tarik Ouhtit, 22, in Morocco. However, they have been forced to separate after the Home Office refused Mr Ouhtit a visa to live in Britain because officials believe it is a marriage of convenience." Nothing suspicious about this at all.

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WJXT: Adam Landau ATTACK!
Florida News Center | Submitted by: Dommer
News anchor doing an on-the-scene news report when he shoves an intrusive partygoer who wished to get onto the 11:00 local news.

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School drops 'Satans' as team nickname
CNN | Submitted by: Rude Boy
High school teams here no longer will be known as the Satans, the school's nickname for nearly 80 years. "It's hard to stand up and cheer for the Satans, said Kellie Karlstad, a parent of three." Comes complete with a picture of satan playing basketball.

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Hirohito's suicide bomber manuals
Guardian | Submitted by: Harvillicz
"At the very moment of impact: do your best. Every deity and the spirits of your dead comrades are watching you intently. Just before the collision it is essential that you do not shut your eyes for a moment so as not to miss the target. Many have crashed into the targets with wide-open eyes. They will tell you what fun they had."

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Dog gassing footage goes for $30K
Wire Services | Submitted by: Crazy Quagga
CNN and CBS both paid around $30,000 for video of al-Qaida poison gas experiments, which showed dogs being gassed to death. "Asked how CBS and viewers could be sure the money didn't find its way to al-Qaida, she said, 'I just am. You have to trust me.' Making sure the terrorists didn't profit 'was a very big deal' to CBS, she said." That sure makes us feel better.

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Princess bust carved in butter
TwinCities.com | Submitted by: bammer
A strange State Fair tradition that won't die 49th year in a row: "Sarah Olson, 19, of Hutchinson, Minn., will be chilling for several hours today while her likeness is sculpted in butter."

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Kidnap victims beheaded in Philippines
WKMG-TV 6 Orlando | Submitted by: Rio
"Muslim extremists linked to the al-Qaida terror network beheaded two of six Jehovah's Witnesses they kidnapped in the southern Philippines and dumped their heads in a public market, authorities said Thursday. The bags were left at food stands about 100 yards apart at the main market in the town of Jolo. The attached notes called for "jihad" or Islamic holy war, included a passage from the Quran and were written in Arabic and the local Tausug dialect."

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Breast feeding 8yo followup
Fox News | Submitted by: Sildenafil
"I think people need to see me and my child and realize that this is a perfectly normal practice. We are your standard middle-class American family, and we're not doing anything wrong." Why are you on Good Morning America?

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Children buried alive to appease Kali
Times of India | Submitted by: Son of Benway
"More than 100 children were buried alive for about a minute as part of a ritual to appease two Hindu goddesses in a village in Tamil Nadu, a priest said on Thursday... all 106 children who took part in Wednesday's ceremony, known as "Kuzhi Maatru Thiruvizha" or "Festival of emerging from the pit", were fine but exhausted by their experience."

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We love you. You're fired.
The Advertiser (Adelaide) | Submitted by: Son of Benway
"The Commonwealth Bank of Australia praised staff when it posted a $2.66 billion net profit yesterday, and then announced 1000 of them would lose their jobs... The round of job cuts was a continuation of banks slashing staff to increase profits for shareholders."

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Spooks planned fake plane crash on 9/11
Wire Services | Submitted by: jo666py
"In what the government describes as a bizarre coincidence, one U.S. intelligence agency was planning an exercise last Sept. 11 in which an errant aircraft would crash into one of its buildings. But the cause wasn't terrorism, it was to be a simulated accident."

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Leni Riefenstahl's 100th birthday bash
Wire Services | Submitted by: Rashamon
"The investigation was sparked after a 76 year old gypsy alleged Riefenstahl had recently lied about the fate of about 100 gypsies from Nazi camps used as extras in her 1942 film "Tiefland" ("Lowlands"), by saying that all the gypsies in the film survived the war. Riefenstahl has issued a statement saying her remarks on their survival had been a misunderstanding and that she regretted the persecution of gypsies during the Nazi period." Oh, you meant survived alive?

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One hundred year old chocolate bar auctioned
CNN | Submitted by: Kaiser Wilhelm
"A bar of chocolate dating back 100 years and belonging to pioneering Antarctica explorers has been auctioned for $686." Lesson: Never go to an auction hungry.

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Music industry's problems self inflicted
Slate | Submitted by: Son of Benway
"But anyone who rewinds to the last major music-biz slump will find some interesting parallels. In 1978, record sales began to fall, and the major labels blamed a larcenous new technology: cassette tapes. The international industry even had an outraged official slogan: "Home taping is killing music."... It turned out that home taping had not killed music. Instead, the central problem was the collapsing popularity of dance-pop: lively, sexy, but personality-free music whose appeal was broad but thin."

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The WTC freezer
Wire Photos | Submitted by: Soylent
Photo of a freezer containing WTC victims.

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