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August 19, 2002

Naked bloodsoaked men charged
WKMG-TV 6 Orlando | Submitted by: Rio
"Police have charged four men and a teenager with animal cruelty after finding them naked and doused in the blood of a dead goat with dismembered heads of other animals strewn in the yard. Investigators believe the men were practicing religious rituals commonly associated with Santeria, said Tampa Police spokeswoman Katie Hughes. Neighbors contacted police Saturday after seeing five men naked and running around the back yard of a Tampa home covered in blood, according to a police report. Police found the dead goat, which appeared to have its throat slashed, and a number of headless chickens, doves and pigeons."

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Woman set on fire whilst giving birth
Sydney Morning Herald | Submitted by: Rebecca
"A woman was set on fire during a caesarean delivery at the maternity unit of Waitakere Hospital in New Zealand at the weekend. The fire left the woman, who was giving birth, with burns to the lower part of her body. The Waitemata District Health Board said the fire was a freak accident."

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Prodigy kills speedfreak mice
Sydney Morning Herald | Submitted by: Bungknckle
Bored scientists come up with a pearler of an experiment. "Lets get some mice, inject themem with crystal-meth and turn up the stereo". The results? "They appeared to "jiggle backwards and forwards" as the music pounded in their ears." ... and then, they died.

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Suitcase full of cocaine, under $1
Wire Services | Submitted by: LucrezaBorgia
"A Canadian man paid less than a dollar for a used suitcase at an auction house only to find when he got home that it was crammed with nearly 11 pounds of cocaine with a street value of US$180,000, police said on Friday... He contacted police after he opened the bag to find a hard substance separated into 158 small bags, later determined to be crack for street sale."

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Referee bashed at kid friendly match
New Zealand Herald | Submitted by: Spookbabe
"He was attacked, allegedly by supporters of the Ellerslie under-10s team, which was winning easily when he called a halt to the game, ruling it had become too violent. His 10-year-old son, Jesse, and the other children burst into tears as they watched him being kicked by several people as he lay curled up on the ground."

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Stepdaughter from hell
San Francisco Chronicle | Submitted by: Bo Orly
He was a retired judge and state senator in his twilight years, living on his ranch and receiving more than thirteen grand a month in retirement money. But once the Alzeimer's took hold and the step daughter conned him in to marrying her, the last days of the judge were spent shuffling out to the yard to take a dump, thanks to her rootweilers having shit the bathroom full until it was unusable. You might think this kind of detail would be embarrasing to the, er, widow of the departed 91 year old, but she stood up and gave a speech about it at the funeral. Expect several lawyers to make large amounts of money sorting this one out.

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Admission of Guilt, Inc.
FAIR | Submitted by: Crazy Quagga
What if a major multimedia corporation CEO spoke honestly about the company's nefarious schemes and crooked deals? Media watchdog FAIR takes a stab as to what it might sound like. (The ultimate irony of course is, that this is essentially a commercial plug for a book.)

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Philly puppet protesters still being pummelled
Citypaper | Submitted by: Crazy Quagga
Woes of the 2000 RNC protesters: "A property receipt from the Philadelphia Police Department describes other items seized from the warehouse during the RNC: several balloons containing an 'unknown liquid substance' and a blue plastic canteen filled with 'unknown liquid.' A Philadelphia crime lab report dated Aug. 4, 2000, concludes that this mysterious fluid was ... water. (So much for the poisonous brew police warned Bridge about.)"

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Beer goggle science
Reuters | Submitted by: Crampon
"British scientists have found even modest amounts of alcohol will make the opposite sex appear better-looking... The study of 120 male and female students found drinking up to four units of alcohol, about two pints of beer or four glasses of wine, increased the perceived attractiveness of members of the opposite sex by about 25 percent."

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Serial cat killer pissing off Italians
Washington Post | Submitted by: Son of Benway
"The alarm is out in Prenestina, a rambling, anonymous southern Rome neighborhood, for a serial killer who has dispatched at least six victims with a kick to the ribs or strychnine. The most recent victim, named Lorenzo, died of fractured ribs with nary a farewell meow... "There's a single hand behind this terrible chain of violence. His luck is running out," said police inspector Antonio Biscozzi. "There's already a suspect."

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Death by stoning for adultery
ITV | Submitted by: Son of Benway
"A court in Nigeria has rejected a woman's appeal against death by stoning for having a child outside marriage. The judgment was made under Sharia, religious law recognised by Muslims. Clutching her baby daughter, the woman, Amina Lawal Kurami, 31, burst into tears as the judge delivered the ruling. The judge at Funtua, in Nigeria's northern Katsina state. said the sentence would not be carried out until she weans her child."

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Hit me! says tard
North Jersey Media | Submitted by: Incubus
A partially deaf and mentally retarded man tried to commit suicide Sunday morning by jumping into traffic on Route 3 near Clifton, New Jersey. "He just jumped right in front of these cars going 50 and 60 mph," said Sgt. Jim Collis. "He was yelling, 'Hit me, kill me,' as cars were skidding and swerving all over the place trying to avoid hitting him." When that didn't work, he jumped on the guardrail of a nearby bridge and threatened to jump.

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Cover your Blowhole
Honolulu Advertiser | Submitted by: Incubus
"At the blowhole, he leaned over the opening, forming a bridge with his body. About 30 seconds later, a geyser of water shot through the hole, catching him square in the chest and sending him 8 to 12 feet into the air. He somersaulted and disappeared head-first into the blowhole. The victim's mother now wants the Hawaii Department of Land and Natural Resources to put a grate over the entrance to prevent others from suffering the same fate as her son." A grate will not hold back Darwin.

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Face-Clawing Monster terrifies Indian state
ABC News | Submitted by: Oskar Pryor
"Victims report being scratched by something flashing blue, red or green that strikes only at faces and only at night. The creature has been dubbed "Muhnochwa," or "face-clawing monster." ... Police have said that at least two people have died and scores have been injured in alleged "Muhnochwa" attacks that began a month ago at the start of the monsoon."

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Who flew those 911 planes?
Friends of Liberty | Submitted by: Soylent
A crazy nutball article which is making the rounds: "As well as fully autonomous flight capability, the 767 and 757 are the ONLY COMMUTER PLANES MADE BY BOEING THAT CAN BE FLOWN VIA REMOTE CONTROL. It is a feature that is standard to all of them, all 757's and 767's can do it. The purpose for this is if there is a problem with the pilots, Norad can fly the planes to safe destinations via remote. Only in this flight mode can those craft exceed their software limits and perform to their actual physical limits because a pre existing emergency situation is assumed if this mode of flight is used. Terrorists in fact did not fly those planes, it is totally and completely impossible for those planes to have been flown in such a manner from the cockpit. Those are commuter aircraft, not F-16's and their software knows it."

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Authorities raise stink over Amish outhouse
Dayton Daily News | Submitted by: Idle Hands
"Dan and Lena Miller said they would rather go to jail than install a watertight, concrete tank under the new outhouse they built for their son, who lives with his wife on an adjacent farm. A Knox County judge ruled last week that they must make the $200 update by Sept. 16. The outhouse is next to a stream, creating the health risk that human waste can leak into the area’s water supply... The Millers use decomposed waste from the outhouse to fertilize wheat, barley, corn and oats on their farm."

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New Survivor contestant a softcore pornstar
The Smoking Gun | Submitted by: al w.
Somehow CBS neglected to mention that used car salesman Brian Heidik also makes movies, the kind where you don't wear any clothes and romp with chicks with big boobies.

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Attention K-mart coppers: You are being overzealous
Houston Chronicle | Submitted by: Ann Onymous
"We went to use the restroom at Kmart and to buy a Scrunchi (hair band), and when we came back to our car, cops were coming in (the parking lot) and they tied our hands," said Brandi Ratliff, 18, who said she was a straight-A student at Waller High School and never had any problems with the law... Ratliff said that even though she and two friends told police they had just come out of the Kmart, all three were arrested and spent the night in jail."

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Segway != Ginger?
silicon.com | Submitted by: Soylent
"Ginger chat site administrator 'Spliff' has examined Kemper's book proposal in some detail, and has taken a fine-tooth comb to the patents Kamen has registered, and found significant evidence to suggest Segway is not the thing which blew Bezos and Jobs away... This has reignited all the original speculation that the invention is some kind of personal hovercraft."

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