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August 13, 2002

Aristotle's Law proposed in Berkeley
EVB | Submitted by: Soylent
"In a philosophical effort to come up with a city law that no one could ever break, conceptual artist Jonathon Keats wants Berkeley to legally acknowledge Aristotle's law, commonly expressed as A=A... His six-hour effort netted 65 signatures, 42 of which belonged to actual Berkeley residents."

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Geeks in government
c|Net | Submitted by: Soylent
"By participating in the lobby process, you're effectively giving money to the political system," Back says. "It's effectively a favor-trading system where the politician wins and the geek loses...You're better of spending time writing code and influencing Internet protocols to work towards making the politicians irrelevant in the future."

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Unidentified object scare continues
Kathmandu Post | Submitted by: Spookbabe
"Even the object continues to attack villagers for the last couple of days and more and more people are attacked, authorities from both Nepal and India have failed to identify the object, which is said to be active at night and disappears instantly after the attack."

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Hollywood's private war for social control
The Register | Submitted by: Spookbabe
No, it seems that one of the highest priorities for the Justice Department - behind that simple task of securing America's Homeland - should be copyright enforcement... at least in the eyes of the Recording Industry Association of America.

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Elephants amok on Acid
Guardian | Submitted by: nick thompson
"Thomas volunteered the services of Tusko, a 3,200kg, 14-year-old male elephant. They were all set to establish what an elephant on acid would get up to. One crucial point had to be decided - how much LSD would it take to make him run amok? Research had established that lower animals are less susceptible to the mind-altering effects of LSD than humans. It would be a waste to have an elephant ready to go and then miss out on the unique opportunity by giving it an insufficient dose."

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Doctors give living corpse cold reception
Tiscali World Online | Submitted by: Deadman
Okay, so he's alive - but only just. A 68-year-old man who "died" of cancer last week is in intensive care in a French hospital after an undertaker's assistant noticed that he was still breathing. Doctors are reulcant to declare him undead just yet.

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Asian Brown Cloud could kill millions
CNN | Submitted by: ian m.
A dense blanket of pollution, dubbed the "Asian Brown Cloud," is hovering over South Asia, with scientists warning it could kill millions of people in the region, and pose a global threat. In the biggest-ever study of the phenomenon, 200 scientists warned that the cloud, estimated to be two miles (three kilometers) thick, is responsible for hundreds of thousands of deaths a year from respiratory disease."

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Sex game or sex crime?
St. Petersburg Times | Submitted by: Toots
"Your husband set you up for this to teach you a lesson about your infidelities," the man said. "He paid me $40,000 to teach you a lesson." ... Six hours later, a truck driver found the woman stumbling along a Tennessee road. She was wearing only a bra and was wrapped in shrink wrap."

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York officials find children huffing coolant
Wire Services | Submitted by: optional
"Police have come across what they and health officials say is a dangerous activity among some local preteen children: sniffing fumes from air conditioning units... they do want to warn parents to keep an eye out for signs of huffing in children. Those signs can include red eyes, missing cleaning supplies and breath that smells of chemicals."

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Fungus-based Quorn-meat for sale
CNN | Submitted by: D. Rango
In the fine tradition of cafeteria "mystery meat" comes a new and improved substance masquerading as food. "A health advocacy group accused the government Monday of allowing fake meat made from fungus to be sold even though it makes people sick and demanded the product, known as Quorn, be recalled." A report says 33 people suffered vomiting, diarrhea and other ailments after eating Quorn.

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A rotten job in Shanghai
New York Times | Submitted by: Son of Benway
"Ma Yilai sat down with a sigh and apologized for his ash-permeated clothes. The pores of his fingers were impregnated with ash, and his fingernails were black with it. Ash is one of the many minor occupational hazards of working on the bluntly named "burn team" here at what may be the world's largest crematory."

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Explosive science
Associated Press | Submitted by: Son of Benway
"An explosives experiment blew up at an institute that does much research for the military, critically injuring two researchers with burns and shrapnel wounds, authorities said... "These are very experienced guys with this sort of thing, and we do this type of research all of the time..."

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Peg leg banned from school pool
AZ Central | Submitted by: Ann Onymous
"The parents of other children claim the leg gave Hunter an unfair advantage. Last month, the DeKalb Atlanta Swim and Diving league banned him from competitions. Hunter was born with a birth defect that kept his left leg from growing past the knee. His parents said the plastic leg, designed to be fitted with a flipper, only helped his balance. They threatened to sue the swim board."

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Corpse-art body donors tell all
BBC | Submitted by: Ann Onymous
"The first people from the UK to donate their bodies to a controversial art exhibition have said they are doing it to help educate the public... "I feel that by doing this I will be helping to advance medical research and enlighten people about the human body," said Eulinda Clarke-Akalanne, 60, from Westonzoyland, Somerset."

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Man on motocycle killed leading funeral procession
KING-TV 5 Seattle | Submitted by: BigBongToker
"An off-duty firefighter riding a motorcycle in a funeral procession was struck by a car Friday and died at Harborview Medical Center Friday afternoon. "He was attempting to catch up with the other escort vehicles. He had cleared the last intersection and he had gone what appears into the oncoming lane to pass other traffic."

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Man gets 15 years for scalding baby
AZ Central | Submitted by: Shalico
Navy man, jealous over wife's affair, holds 4 month old baby under scalding hot bath water until the skin begins to fall off.

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Cigs and geezers
Belleville News-Democrat | Submitted by: Gutter Juice
"Nursing home residents who receive Medicare or Medicaid benefits are allowed to keep only $30 a month of their Social Security benefits for incidentals such cigarettes, clothing and haircuts, Illinois Department of Public Aid spokesman Ellen Feldhausen said. Jamie Ziegler, administrator of River Bluffs Rehab and Nursing Centers in Cahokia, said her staff tried to help residents stretch their money by picking up cigarettes for them in Missouri, where the tax is only 17 cents a pack, with a savings of $8.10 a carton."

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Dad names baby after favorite race horse
South Florida Sun-Sentinel | Submitted by: Spookbabe
"An outraged Italian mother has gone to court after her husband furtively named their newborn son after a prize-winning horse." [This is almost as stupid the nascar fan mom that named her kid Winston Iroc Nascar.]

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Quantities of primo shit seized at Dead show
gazetteextra.com | Submitted by: Spookbabe
"The drug unit seized more than $34,000 in cash. It recovered 825 ounces, about 51.5 pounds, of marijuana, 7,294 doses of LSD, 8.8 grams of liquid LSD, 10 pounds of hallucinogenic mushrooms, 9 grams of heroin, 82 grams of hashish, 6.3 grams of cocaine and a tank of nitrous oxide, according to the department."

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Boy dies in dumb weinermobile accident
Baltimore Sun | Submitted by: Scott Huffines, Atomic Books
"A 12-year-old Crofton, Maryland boy was killed in a bizarre accident when his toy cart, "The Oscar Mayer Weinermobile," being towed by his brother in a pickup truck, struck a curb at 30 mph, sending the boy head-first into a tree."

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Baby born without butthole
Ekstrabladet | Submitted by: Jan V.
"The parents were complaining to the nurses at the hospital that baby's faeces was black and green and appeared to come out of the vagina. The nurses told the parents to calm down and said that everything was normal. Later they realized that the baby didn't have an anus and made her a colostomy." Cute picture, she doesn't look constipated at all.

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The Seven Horrors of Britain
Guardian | Submitted by: Ann Onymous
No surprises here: "A phone-in poll among listeners to BBC Radio's Today programme yesterday voted the M25 ring route around London top in a survey of 'seven horrors of Britain'. The Millennium Dome was rated the second worst place to visit. Blackpool promenade was third, followed by Heathrow airport in fourth place, and New Street railway station in Birmingham at five. The north west provided the Arndale shopping centre in Manchester, with its yellow lavatory tiles, at number six, and Sellafield nuclear reprocessing plant in Cumbria was seventh." M25, incidentally, was hailed as a "magnificent achievement" by Maggie Thatcher, so there can't be any doubt as to how bad it is.

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Judge orders drugs planted on annoyance
Washington Post | Submitted by: pan
"And then the judge signed off on a plan, beautifully simple, that inscribes a new chapter in the annals of Louisiana sleaze, according to a federal indictment: plant illegal drugs in the man's pickup truck, then have him arrested."

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Unique weapons used in fatal beating
Syracuse Post-Standard | Submitted by: Mr. Ramon
In the course of killing his Internet girlfriend, 17 year old high school dropout Spencer Lee King used the following weapons: a 10in carving knife, a TV set, a fan, a kitchen chair, a leg broken off a stool, and an envelope which he ignited with a stove and used to light the girl's blanket covered body and burn her house down.

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Palestinian killed soldier after losing cardgame
Tiscali World Online | Submitted by: Ann
Death comes to an Israeli soldier because of the trifling matter of a bet lost. A Palestinian militia leader who lost a card game with fellow gunmen struck a deal to pay off his "debt": he killed an Israeli soldier.

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Police nab suspects in salmon heist
Anchorage Daily News | Submitted by: Jesse S.E. Fogleboch
"Sitka Police say they've traced the final hours of the giant king salmon stolen from a processor and know what happened to the heisted fish: It went to a party. The male red king salmon, one of the largest ever caught in Southeast waters, weighed 82 pounds."

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