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August 06, 2002

Man is a serial self-mutilator
Detroit Free Press | Submitted by: Loucifer
"Nitz, 39, is the most infamous hospital patient in Oakland County... He is a heartbreaking brother, a dreaded neighborwho has sliced himself open in front of children, a manipulative consumer of medical and mental health services and a patient who makes even the best doctors want to cry."

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FBI's TIPS line to be run by America's Most Wanted
ACLU | Submitted by: ian m.
In a development bordering on what the American Civil Liberties Union called "surreal," the on-line magazine Salon today revealed that the Department of Justice is forwarding incoming Operation TIPS calls to the Fox-owned "America's Most Wanted" television series. "This is like retaining Arthur Andersen to do all of the SEC's accounting," said Rachel King, an ACLU Legislative Counsel. "It's a completely inappropriate and frightening intermingling of government power and the private sector. What's next - the government hires Candid Camera to do its video surveillance? ... If it continues to cooperate with the government on Operation TIPS, America's Most Wanted should move networks and rename itself 'Big Brother,'" King said.

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Cats dying from passive smoking
Western Daily Press | Submitted by: R Hardie
"Pet cats are dying of cancer caused by passive smoking, a new study has claimed... in the worst cases they have to be taught to use a special kind of inhaler... Dogs are also said to be at risk of developing asthma through passive smoking; one man has given up a 60-cigarette-a-day habit when he realised his puppy was suffering."

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Preacher-man persecutes Pagans
Ottawa Citizen | Submitted by: Ann Onymous
"A petition started by the Rockland Church of God in Clarence has garnered 400 signatures, while campsite owners claim residents threatened to boycott their business unless they turn away the pagans. "This area is already thick with witches' covens and we don't need to encourage it," said Rev. Peter Jamieson."

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Das ist nicht eine corpse
Wire Services | Submitted by: Aaron Ruimy
"Austrian police following up on reports of a corpse floating in Lake Constance found only an abandoned inflatable sex doll, police said Monday." Wondering where we left her.

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Private eye videotapes client killing husband
Fresno Bee | Submitted by: Kerpal
"As the investigator's video camera rolled, an enraged Harris allegedly killed her husband in a parking lot by running him over three times with her silver Mercedes-Benz and leaving the car parked on top of him. The victim's 16 year old daughter was in the passenger seat. "It was an accident," Harris, a 44 year old dentist, told reporters after her arrest on murder charges."

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Summer Sluts
Mainichi Daily News | Submitted by: LucrezaBorgia
"If you find a good guy, there's only one thing you can do. It's all right if you do it without protection in the sea, because the saltwater stops you from getting pregnant."

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Someone stole my Semen
Independent Online | Submitted by: Anthony Buckland
Once again, southern Africa shines in this classic example of the bizarre activities that go largely unnoticed on the dark continent. An innocent job seeker was invited into a house, invited to have sex with his prospective employer's wife, and then robbed of his semen.

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Vodafone backs streakers
The Age | Submitted by: Vesney
"Vodafone Australia's managing director could face charges that attract a maximum penalty of six months' jail after admitting he had given a loose go-ahead to a prankster who bared all, and the company logo, in a pitch invasion at rugby's Bledisloe Cup match in Sydney." With pictures!

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Ned Flanders is fabulous Christian role model
BBC | Submitted by: Ginsoakedboy
Net based Christians have adopted Ned Flanders as an icon. There is an amazing picture of a Ned look-alike as well. "Thousands of churchgoers attending the annual Greenbelt festival later this month are expected to turn up at the Ned Flanders night, many dressed as Ned lookalikes, to party to the sound of tribute band Ned Zeppelin."

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Badass SUV
Wire Services | Submitted by: Pete
"With the flip of a switch, however, a vehicle modified by this small Western Pennsylvania company is transformed into a virtual war wagon, exposing weaponry ranging from a .50-caliber M2 machine gun to an MK-19, 40-mm grenade launcher. Armor plating that will stop a 7.62-mm armor piercing bullet will cost you extra."

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Woman lived with corpse for a month
The Town Talk | Submitted by: sheik yarbuti
"It appears Myra Foreman was going on about her normal life with her husband's body lying in their bed, Chief Deputy Preston Mosley said Monday. The 51-year-old Hargis woman apparently was giving her 54-year-old husband's body baths and was sleeping next to his body each night, Mosley said As she talked with investigators after her husband's body was found, Mrs. Foreman rambled about aliens being in the house and near her husband's body, detectives said."

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Today the stink, tomorrow the wings
AZ Central | Submitted by: wingnut
"A Saskatchewan researcher has invented a system intended to take the stink out of hog farming. Gurunathan Lakshman of Saskatoon said he can turn pig feces into an odor-free fertilizer that will eliminate problems inherent with hog farms. The project received funding from the Manitoba Livestock Manure Management Initiative."

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Indian women getting all fired up
Times of India | Submitted by: Son of Benway
"Everyone knows that defenceless women are drugged and made to sit on their husband's funeral pyres. No one does it out of free choice. Does anyone ask a man to show his love for his wife by sitting on her funeral pyre? The practice of Sati is monstrous. It is a national shame and the government of Madhya Pradesh should take action against the whole village or at least the people who aided and abetted the whole thing."

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Jellyfish invade Volusia County
WKMG-TV 6 Orlando | Submitted by: Rio
"Hundreds of people have been stung by jellyfish this week while swimming at Volusia County, Fla., beaches, according to Local 6 News. "500 bee stings, that's what it felt like," sting victim Mark Keeney said. A strong offshore wind has being blamed for bringing thousands of the jellyfish into shore."

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More lucrative than the worm farm, Jeb
MSNBC | Submitted by: Gay Jonny
"In what is believed to be the first prosecution arising from an investigation of an Internet 'model' site, a husband and wife in Arkansas who created a site featuring their preteen daughter have been found guilty of filming her engaged in 'sexual conduct'." That introductory lead is somewhat misleading; they actually made the arrests based on materials that never appeared on the site.

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Girly-man epidemic!
International Herald Tribune | Submitted by: Son of Benway
"But now, men are rethinking their feet. They are engaged in a loving, caring relationship with them. They are tending to their needs and pampering them with $40 and up pedicures. And after their feet have been properly groomed, they are slipping them into sandals."

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Boys find mom, aunt, grandmother dead
New York Post | Submitted by: hamster
"Two small boys made a grisly discovery in their Jersey City home yesterday, their mom, pregnant aunt and grandmother savagely stabbed to death in a domestic dispute, according to police, that was fueled by what kin called a religious feud between the aunt and her husband." Photo of man measuring bloody handprint on front window.

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Cincinnati dog-pound killings caught on tape
Cincinnati Enquirer | Submitted by: buffaloBill
"One by one, stray dogs were shot in the head by the overseer of the pound. Many went limp immediately, but some did not. The overseer slung them into the front end of a backhoe, where they wiggled and twitched atop a pile of other freshly shot dogs." This is fucked up Cincinnati, where the government doesn't want you to have pornography (at all), yet it will commit atrocities such as this, in the public interest. With picture.

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Grandmother notices wrong boy in coffin
Wire Services | Submitted by: josch
"The grandmother of a 15 year old accident victim shocked the funeral for her grandson's friend when she recognized her own grandson in the open casket, authorities said Tuesday."

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G-Men protecting citizenry from Capitalism
Miami Herald | Submitted by: f00f
"Veteran federal prosecutor Richard D. Gregorie described The Circuit as a classic business school model for economies of scale: By sharing the prostitutes, client lists and common business expenses such as travel, all of the brothels were able to increase the number and diversity of prostitutes available in each city -- and maximize the profits... The women, some from as far away as Milan, Italy, were more like contract employees than streetwalkers, earning upwards of $10,000 a week in one city and then 'booking in' with the madam in another city who might be in need of additional talent for an upcoming boat show, convention or sporting event." Pity the FBI couldn't, you know, CATCH TERRORISTS instead of people not doing anything wrong.

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Thousands Of Bigfoots
WKMG-TV 6 Orlando | Submitted by: Rio
"The Big Foot Research Project is also trying to find Bigfoot using new technology and military search equipment. Reseachers believe that there are between 2,000 and 6,000 Bigfoots, also known as 'Sasquatch', meaning 'wild man', living in North America."

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