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July 24, 2002

World to end on February 1, 2019
BBC | Submitted by: Phatlor
"A preliminary orbit suggests that 2002 NT7 is on an impact course with Earth and could strike the planet on 1 February, 2019, although the uncertainties are large. Astronomers have given the object a rating on the so-called Palermo technical scale of threat of 0.06, making NT7 the first object to be given a positive value."

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Dark dead water in Gulf of Mexico
Naples Daily News | Submitted by: Billy Reuben
Followup to an earlier story: "Commercial fishermen along the Southwest Florida coast are reporting a massive dead zone that is almost devoid of marine life in an area of the Gulf of Mexico traditionally known as a rich fishing ground... They've dubbed it black water, and they're demanding that local, state and national government agencies find out what's causing it. Like Daniels, fishermen with decades on the water say they've often seen red tide but they've never seen anything like this."

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Croatian nookie ban
Megastar | Submitted by: Col. Klink
"Hot on the heels of the Polish team saying the players can get it on with the ladies during the World Cup, the Croatian squad have been slapped with a SEX BAN."

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Presidency the Sesame Street Way
Boston Globe | Submitted by: Ann Onymous
"By the time Bush gave a speech on homeland security in Illinois yesterday, the three-word mantra had been switched to 'Protecting the Homeland,' again emblazoned across the presidential backdrop. As many as 20 similar logos are in storage at the White House communications shop - everything from 'Strengthening Medicare' to 'Corporate Responsibility' to 'Working Toward Independence.'"

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Jesus comes out of the closet
Toledo Blade | Submitted by: Idle Hands
"A Toledo man was arraigned yesterday and a Swanton man surrendered to authorities after the two were accused of taking a $6,000 fiber-glass statue of Jesus Christ from the front lawn of a West Toledo church and putting it into a closet in the Toledo man’s apartment, Toledo police said...Police said the statue sustained significant damage to the back of its head, shoulders, left and right index fingers, right arm, and a hand."

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Uncle Sam wants your grocery list
Village Voice | Submitted by: Gno Name
Now you can be nutritionally profiled, too. Years of individual grocery-buying habits at one national chain were handed over to the US Gov't (unsolicited!) by some guy trying to help fight terrorism and do his part after Sept. 11. The feds are taking the info seriously: they've already developed algorithyms like, "Most terrorists buy pizza with credit cards." Note to self: stop using "prefered customer" grocery card to buy falafel....

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Anthrax found at explorer's 1912 Antarctic hut
Stuff NZ | Submitted by: Biggles
"Scientists have found anthrax spores in the Antarctic hut used 90 years ago by British explorer Robert Scott, the Antarctic Heritage Trust said today. The trust said New Zealand's Ministry of Health has advised that the spores represent a negligible risk to human health."

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Japan jerking off over pseudo pedo-porno
Mainichi Daily News | Submitted by: LucrezaBorgia
"I think younger girls allowed readers to shift their fantasies from women they could get their hands on to girls that they can show affection for. If we use models of an age above a high school student's, we have to give the spread added value with headlines like 'Look at her Whopping Tits' or 'She's Appearing in TV Commercials,' or it doesn't sell. But with junior high school pupils, just watching them mess around is enough to make a hit."

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Teacher denies seeking role in porn video
South Florida Sun-Sentinel | Submitted by: Cpage66
Elementary P.E. teacher with the moniker of "Tony the Temptor" tries to explain it all away with the producer gave him a pill and all it would do would relax him. Yeah, relax him out of his clothes and on to wrestling with other nearly naked men on film. Not that there's anything WRONG with that...

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Brave NY firefighters told to be chickens
Chicago Sun-Times | Submitted by: Gutter Juice
"Unregulated heroism is part of the U.S. firefighting culture, said Roger Klein, a fire engineering consultant based in Germany. In large part, it is why firefighters die at far higher rates in the United States than in Britain, he said. U.S. fire departments allow their firefighters far more freedom than their counterparts in many European countries."

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War is groovy
Metro | Submitted by: L.13.P
"Partridge holds up a neon-colored sign that says, War Is Groovy and Killing People Is No Big Deal. He stands at the end of the picket line, wearing a retro polyester shirt, bell-bottoms and policeman sunglasses for the 'intimidation effect'".

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Virus on Microsoft WebTV dials 911
ABC News | Submitted by: pyromaniac.net
Three levels of humiliation: One: Owning a Microsoft WebTV. Two: Having one infected with a virus that calls the cops. Three: The suggested solution to the virus: "Technicians are advising victims to "hard nuke" their unit."

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Rent Boys in Jail
The Herald ZA | Submitted by: Bobs
"Prisoner Wilson Mohodi testified before the commission that warder Sam Mohanoe, currently on bail for his alleged sexual assault of a young Grootvlei prisoner, ran a soccer club for juvenile prisoners, and had sex with the members of this club. Mr Mohanoe rewarded the young prisoners with plastic containers filled with dagga [pot], toiletries and petroleum jelly, Mohodi said."

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Suspect demands child porn before confessing
AZ Central | Submitted by: pyromaniac
"But if I see one twelve year old girl diddling herself, I can go to prison for the rest of my life and be happy." In a portion of his tape recorded confession played Tuesday at his triple murder trial, Stayner said he had never seen child pornography. But he said he was mystified by it and the desire to view it had been "gnawing away at me all my life."

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Cruising the Catholic Youth Festival
Tiscali World Online | Submitted by: anonymous
Going to the Catholic Youth Day for a bit of nookie? "'I'm getting the European kisses,' said 17-year-old Lauren Buonomo from Pennsylvania. Together with her friends, Katlyn and Christine Gallagher, she checked out the bare-chested German boys soaking up the sun at Exhibition Place ahead of the 17th World Youth Day's opening ceremony."

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Death by chocolate
Philadelphia Inquirer | Submitted by: Phatlor
Just like Augustus Gloop: "A man found submerged in a vat of chocolate at Kargher Corp. died yesterday, Hatfield Township police said. Coworkers found Yoni Cordon, 19, of Olney Avenue in Philadelphia, in a vat that is used for mixing and melting chocolate at the factory, police said. The incident happened about 4:30 p.m."

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Woman lies in road, steals samaritan's truck
Baton Rouge Advocate | Submitted by: joelvis
"A woman playing 'possum' in the middle of a street stole the pickup truck of a passing motorist who stopped to help her... when he stopped and got out of his truck to assist the woman, she jumped up, got into his truck, locked the doors and drove away while he pounded on the door." Sheriff's deputies later found the wily thief, who was "covered with mud and appeared to be intoxicated."

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Church rats on priest's porn stash
Wire Services | Submitted by: Triste Endymion
"McDaniel conceded diocesan officials never specifically ordered MacCormack to stay quiet about the priest's pornography [which may or may not have included young boys; accounts differ.] But he said the bishop led an effort to ensure MacCormack's silence, including accusing the priest of mental instability." Right.

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The Hollywood Vigilantes
c|Net | Submitted by: Merlin
"Sponsored by Reps. Howard Berman, D-Calif., and Howard Coble, R-N.C., the measure would permit copyright holders to perform nearly unchecked electronic hacking if they have a "reasonable basis" to believe that piracy is taking place. Berman and Coble plan to introduce the 10-page bill this week."

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Crazy rich dude claims hypnotist bilked him
New York Post | Submitted by: f00f
"Uran, who used to live in a Best Western motel in Virginia despite an estimated $400 million fortune - said in court papers Hymowitz made his money disappear while he was in "a suggestible state" from the hypnosis... The case wasn't Uran's first bizarre legal brouhaha. In 1997, he sued his former fiancée for custody of their neutered goat, cat and 31 horse blankets."

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A Loo With A View
Philadelphia Inquirer | Submitted by: f00f
The 140-square-foot former men's and women's bathroom overlooking the coast in Dorset, southwestern England, went on the market a few weeks ago for $39,000. But that was before the bidding started.

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Hitlerjugend Part 2
Miami Herald | Submitted by: z0rak187
Miami has a homeland security training summer camps for teenagers. Instead of archery and basketweaving, the kids "will tour National Guard facilities, a Peco Energy training center where linemen learn to deal with high-voltage emergencies, and the cavernous First Union Center, where they will see how security officials "prevent" a Britney Spears concert from becoming what experts call a "Level 3 Mass Casualty Event." The best part is that the kids are teenage parents, juvenile delinquents, low income, and coping with learning or other disabilities. Now I feel really secure!

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Mulch Fido into a flower bed
Deseret News | Submitted by: D. Rango
A Utah community is thrilled with a new program that mulches dead animals into "rich, dark landscaping soil." Road kill, harvested mink, dead turkeys, pig carcasses, and "euthanized animals, large and small, 10-12 tons a month," are being brought to the landfill. "At the end of seven weeks, we moved the compost pile and we were amazed. The decomposition was 95 percent complete, no bones, hide or hair."

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International Peace Fuckers
National Post | Submitted by: Mullah Omar
"Instead of rescuing victims forced into prostitution, members of international organizations based in the Balkans are among the prostitutes' biggest customers. In Bosnia and Herzegovina, where up to 19,000 international peacekeeping troops make up the Stabilization Force of the Partnership for Peace, some non- governmental organizations estimate bars and nightclubs providing sex earn up to 70% of their profits from foreigners."

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Alabama schools considering panic rooms
Clanton Advertiser | Submitted by: Reid Fleming
The Chilton County school board is looking into a policy requiring the construction of panic rooms in new and existing school facilities. Adair Junior High (under construction) is slated to include a $40,000 "safe room hallway" where, presumably, students and staff can flee from gun-wielding maniacs.

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No room at the Inn for Sinners
Fox News | Submitted by: Toots
"Not only does it forbid its guests from using tobacco or alcohol, the 19 room hotel has strict rules about its guests' marital status. Couples must present proof of marriage and photo ID at check-in: 'We at Hosanna Hotel desire to ensure that our premises are not utilized by wayward persons in search of extra-marital sensual pleasure.'"

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FBI Anthrax Prob Flubbing Along
Newsday | Submitted by: anonymous
Rosenberg goes further in her criticism, when asked if the FBI was flubbing the investigation or deliberately resisting following all the leads. "I suspect there's both," she said. "The observations certainly are that there are things they have known about and haven't acted on. And it's hard to explain either as incredible incompetence or reluctance. The likely perpetrator is almost certainly somebody who knows things that they would think were better not to come out."

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Old lady v. Velcro
Wire Services | Submitted by: VonsterMonster
"A 68-year-old woman who was left permanently disabled by injuries she received throwing herself on to a velcro-covered "splat wall" at a hospital fete has failed in a renewed bid to win damages from an NHS trust."

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Hypocrite judge doesn't want her face shown
New York Post | Submitted by: lamsydivy
"A judge who wants to unmask undercover cops in open court, possibly putting their lives in peril, doesn't want the public to see her face... Cropper has come under fire for ordering three undercover cops to reveal their identities in a routine drug-bust case."

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