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July 21, 2002

Historic shitter found in Montana
Wire Services | Submitted by: toroi no mokuba
"Archaeologists have uncovered what they believe is the latrine used by the Lewis and Clark Corps of Discovery at their Travelers' Rest campsite almost 200 years ago. The site was found after two days of excavation in Travelers Rest State Park here."

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Second Law of Thermodynamics overturned
New Scientist | Submitted by: anonymous
"One of the most fundamental rules of physics, the second law of thermodynamics, has for the first time been shown not to hold for microscopic systems... The new experiment probed the uncertain middle ground between extremely small-scale systems and macroscopic systems and showed that the second law can also be consistently broken at micron scale, over time periods of up to two seconds."

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Aliens have sense of humor
Rense | Submitted by: Meerkat
Argentine livestock producer finds 19 dead cows in water tank. Nine of the bovines were dead, according to subsequent medical-veterinarian examinations due to asphyxiation through immersion. The rest were alive, but affected by the low temperatures and near dead due to freezing. UFO watchers believe teleportation may have been used....

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Footballers use skull instead of soccerball
La Repubblica | Submitted by: Dagon
A group of two Italians and a Moroccan teenagers were found playing soccer using a human skull taken from the ossuary of the nearby cemetery instead of a more customary soccer ball. Article in Italian.

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Why Charlie Chaplin wasn't knighted
BBC | Submitted by: Ann Onymous
A top-secret memo has surfaced, outlining why (besides his vaguely pedophilic marital tendencies) Charlie Chaplin was for so long denied a British knighthood. The memo reads: "Mr Chaplin has alienated many of his former champions and admirers by allowing himself to be played up in certain European countries as a martyr to "hyper-Americanism". And then there's the little issue of his acceptance of public marks of favour from the communist orbit - e.g. his consenting to receive the "peace prize" of the communist-sponsored World Peace Council in June 1954".

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Maid suffered months of abuse before death
Straits Times | Submitted by: Pinoyz
"The autopsy report detailed the more than 200 injuries she suffered at the hands of her employer, Ng Hua Chye, 47, a freelance tour guide, over a period of nine months, starting last March." Following that is a litany of abuse nothing short of astonishing.

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K-9 dies locked in hot cop car
Sauk Valley Newspapers | Submitted by: Gutter Juice
Now this is a real case of police brutality. Sgt. Mark Haverland, "following procedure, left the squad car running in the police department parking lot with the air conditioner on and the doors locked, while he attended to paperwork inside the station for approximately one hour." Did Turner ever to this to Hooch? What would have Chuck Norris done?

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Graduation ruined for everyone forever
Suburban Chicago News | Submitted by: Gutter Juice
"It's been more than a month since Plainfield High School seniors made a mockery of their graduation ceremony by batting around inflatable sex toys and condoms that had been blown up like balloons. Not only did the students bat around inflatable dolls and condoms, but threw M&M candies... Searching students before they file into graduation ceremonies or abolishing the ceremonies altogether and just mailing out diplomas are two alternatives school officials have mentioned."

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Fun with electric shopping carts
The Telegraph | Submitted by: Gutter Juice
"There is a logical explanation why a 44-year-old Harold P. Bennett was driving, allegedly drunk, the wrong way down Edwardsville Road on an electric shopping cart just before midnight..." Mmm hmm.

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Upstanding citizens smoke pot! No way!
Copley News Service | Submitted by: Gutter Juice
"He lives with his wife and kids in a tidy, old neighborhood. His two children, both in elementary school, play soccer. He takes them to games on Saturdays in his minivan. He also has a secret: Several nights a week, when the homework is finished and the kids are in bed, he slips outside to the dark space between his garage and his neighbor's hedge. He plucks a dried, green marijuana bud from a Ziploc bag, packs a pipe and inhales deeply. hen he goes upstairs, showers and changes his clothes so the kids won't smell smoke if they wake up."

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Frozen dog semen dispute settled
Philadelphia Inquirer | Submitted by: Gutter Juice
"He said she had signed a contract that stipulated the semen, which is stored in vials called straws and kept at minus 380 degrees centigrade, would become the property of Clone Inc. if bills were not paid." Well thank goodness, I was losing sleep over it.

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Gaelic Team Caught With Pants Down
Reuters | Submitted by: Suicidal Testicle
"A Gaelic football team has been disbanded after players were caught on a hotel security camera playing pool naked during a late night drinking session." One player was also spotted with "frilly lace knickers" walking around the hotel.

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Suburban whites and pogrom in India
The Black World Today | Submitted by: anonymous
"Many overseas Indian Hindus, including some in this country, finance religious groups in India in the belief that the funds will be used to build temples, and educate and feed the poor of their faith. Many would be appalled to know that some recipients of their money are out to destroy minorities (Christians as well as Muslims) and their places of worship. Mr. Vajpayee could deal a severe blow to such covert causes by simply labeling them as terrorists."

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Bush appointee advocates giving up liberties
Detroit Free Press | Submitted by: Reid Fleming
On Friday, U.S. Civil Rights Commission member Peter N. Kirsanow told an audience in Detroit that they can kiss their civils rights goodbye if Arab terrorists strike on American soil again. He explained that if such an attack does happen, "and they come from the same ethnic group that attacked the World Trade Center, you can forget about civil rights." Kirsanow, a black Republican appointed to the commission by President Bush, went on to predict that "not too many people will be crying in their beer if there are more detentions, more stops, more profiling." And the nightmare scenario doesn't stop there. "There will be a groundswell of public opinion to banish civil rights. [...] The public would be less concerned about any perceived erosion of civil liberties than they are about protecting their own lives." So what can we do to avert this dystopian vision, and preserve our constitutional rights? Why, give them up preemptively: "[T]he best thing we can do to preserve them is by keeping the country safe." Meaning: let the government do whatever it needs to keep terrorists out of the country. Uh huh. Thanks a lot, you fuckin' genius.

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Not Only In America
Observer | Submitted by: JudgeMental
It seems that the new religion of Ashcroftism is spreading. A dying man is imprisoned without trial, goes on hunger strike, is close to death and is ordered to be sent to a secure psychiatric hospital housing notorious criminals. Why? Because the Home Secretary says he's a terrorist and, waht's more, has the press cuttings to prove it...

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Jeep + Cliff = death!
Columbia Daily Tribune | Submitted by: Epicurious Crabcake
Strike one: Jeep with at least 7 people in it, obviously not all wearing seat belts, decides to go trail riding. Strike two: Overloaded Jeep has no headlights, goes trail riding in thick woods at 2 in the fucking morning. Strike three: Driver gets lost, and subsequently drives off of a cliff. You're outta here! Criminal charges ensue.

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Chronic Wasting Disease in Humans...
Milwaukee Journal Sentinel | Submitted by: Gutter Juice
"Did hunting kill my dad? Did deer kill him?" asked Gary Waterhouse "If you'd have taken deer hunting away from him, that would have been the end of him. . . . Maybe the deer killed him. I don't know." Presented last week with specifics of the cases, state public health officials expressed concern. "We've immediately decided to proceed with an investigation," said Jeffrey Davis of the Wisconsin Public Health dept.

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Why women go to lap dancing clubs
Independent | Submitted by: wingnut
The number of women going to lap dancing clubs is rising. "Attractive women like other attractive women. It doesn't mean they want to have sex with them it just means that they like other girls taking their clothes off." At last, men and women have something in common.

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Girl injured attempting a 'Harry Potter'
WKMG-TV 6 Orlando | Submitted by: Rio
"A four year old girl was critically injured after she apparently tried to fly after watching "Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone" movie, according to a Local 6 News report. the girl watched the movie and then crawled onto a kitchen counter, straddled a broom and then jumped off."

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First internet radio simulcast silenced
San Jose Mercury News | Submitted by: Soylent
Because the music industry fears the independence of Internet radio, it negotiated favorable terms with Yahoo! in order to make it seem like the going rate for licensing was much higher than the market actually can maintain. Not minding the fact that Yahoo! no longer broadcasts under these terms, the Librarian of Congress took the bait and this is now law. And thus the first radio station to simulcast its content over the Internet must shut down, because of the ridiculous terms that RIAA has lobbied for.

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