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July 05, 2002

TV shopping product inanity
Mainichi Daily News | Submitted by: LucrezaBorgia
"I bought two vibrating diet belts. Of course I bought them to lose weight, but I realized that if I strapped them over my private parts, it felt unbelievably good. Recently, I've forgotten all about my diet," a 37-year-old woman says. "Instead of attaching the belt horizontally, I stick it on vertically, between my legs. Then I check out all the young guys at work and think about all the nasty things I'd like to do with them."

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Thieves sucker police
ic Network | Submitted by: f00f
"In two trips, they helped themselves to 25 suites, 15 sofa beds, five top of the range beds, up to 40 headboards and more than 100 pieces of pine furniture with a total retail value of more than $75,000. But when an officer arrived on the scene, Mr Johnson claimed he was duped by one of the thieves. "One of them showed him a set of keys and said 'It's okay, I'm the owner and I'm moving a bit of furniture'

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Accusations at hot dog contest
ESPN | Submitted by: King of We
"In the final seconds, with many of the 20 competitors already satisfied with their effort, Kobayashi's body heaved as his cheeks ballooned with remnants. Since visible regurgitation during competition means a disqualification, many in the crowd cried foul. Footage captured by ESPN confirms that some hot dog slush did spill through Kobayashi's fingers and pieces of liquid bun spouted out of his nose."

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Yogi will eradicate terrorism for $1B
Times of India | Submitted by: george_lazenby
"Maharishi said that with $1 billion he could train 40,000 expert meditators, or 'Vedic Pandits', who would generate enough good vibes to save the world. His press office said $85 million toward that goal had already been raised." This is, of course, roughly the same offer he has been making since the 1980's where in full page advertisements bought from national US news magazines 'world peace' was proffered. Oddly nobody took him up.

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Al Pacino impersonator goes to jail
AAP | Submitted by: george_lazenby
25 year old Peter Richard Barnwell of Melbourne, Australia, who shot and killed a friend while impersonating Al Pacino, has been sentenced to four years behind bars. Last March, Barnwell was jumping around pretending to be Pacino with sawn off rifle when it went off, shooting Luke O'Keefe in the head.

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Cow Piss Pill
India Express | Submitted by: george_lazenby
People who enjoy the health benefits of cow urine will be cheered to learn Indian scientists have patented an easy-to-swallow cow urine pill. The pill combines an antibiotic with distilled cow urine for maximum effectiveness.

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How not to steal video cameras
Edmonton Journal | Submitted by: Mr. Halifax
Rule #1 when stealing security cameras: make sure they're not hooked up to a VCR. He must have missed that class when he went to security camera installation school, though police believe he is in the business. Article comes with a rather good shot of the suspected perp.

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Aussie puke bill irks pubs
AAP | Submitted by: george_lazenby
"Pub owners in Shepparton, Victoria (Australia) are angry because of the implmentation of a so-called vandalism and vomit tax. Licensed premises open between 3am and 6am are subject to the tax which promises to use the extra revenue to clean up vandalism, litter, vomit, urine, feces, and other waste left in the streets by drunken patrons." The Australians must not be able to keep anything in...

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Stupid roof trick
Atlanta Journal-Constitution | Submitted by: Michael Constantopoulos
"Perturbed by the security guards' indifference to his problem, he went to the roof and peered over the side. He thought he could climb down, balcony by balcony, to his condo. As soon as he climbed over the lip of the roof, though, he realized he couldn't reach the first balcony. 'I tried to hang on as long as I could,' he said, but he soon lost his grip."

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But what do the residents want?
Denver Post | Submitted by: wenf
"We're getting a lot of calls now from people who've been in the cemetery industry all their lives, and they're finding that there's a -- 'trend' is probably a good word - of people who want grave decorations that violate cemetery rules," said Bob Fells, chief operating officer and general counsel for the International Cemetery and Funeral Association."

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Be careful what you mail-order
Sky News | Submitted by: Son of Benway
"Brunette Anastasia Kiriakova, 28, travelled to Britain and helped John Collins get through $15,000 before the relationship ended in violence. "She went ballistic, when I locked her out of my house," recalled the grey haired 52-year-old. "She slapped my face, knocked my glasses off, threw me violently against the wall, swore violently in Russian and just generally set about me."

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The best ski resort ever
Washington Post | Submitted by: Son of Benway
"Just three miles from the top of the lift is the Line of Control, the hotly contested frontier that divides Indian and Pakistani forces in the disputed Himalayan region of Kashmir. In a springtime ritual that has persisted for years, the two sides trade artillery and mortar fire across the line. Some of that fire has missed the gondola and adjacent chairlift by uncomfortable margins."

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The hyena man of Harar
BBC | Submitted by: george_lazenby
"From a small plastic bag, he produces pieces of meat provided by the curious spectators. Mulugeta calls out to the other hyenas to come forward and slowly, almost obediently, more of them emerge from the darkness, their eyes glowing. The hyena man then places the pieces of raw meat in his mouth. The hyenas advance towards him and snatch the meat from his mouth with their large teeth, before scuttling back a few feet."

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Have a Coke and a suspension
Arizona Daily Wildcat | Submitted by: Prophecy Zero
This is a story from several years ago, but it's a slow news day and we're feeling extr cynical at the moment: Mike Cameron "accidentally wore his Pepsi shirt on Coke Day. But that's okay. He wore it underneath another shirt. Then, as photographers were taking a group picture of the students, all with their brightest Coke smiles, Mike Cameron accidentally took his top shirt off." This netted him a full day's suspension.

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