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June 15, 2002

Congressional Pee Inquiry
ABC News | Submitted by: S. Powerlung
"He went to a section of the plane between the cockpit and first class, then urinated into the cup, said Bishop spokesman Selby McCash, who described the congressman as "a very gracious and courtly gentleman." Authorities briefly detained and questioned Bishop after the plane landed because the spot he chose to relieve himself is a secure area."

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Boy of 17 Hacks into U.S. Missile Secrets
This Is London | Submitted by: Puppet Master
The Pentagon has had its second major intelligence embarrassment in a week after a teenager in Austria hacked into secret plans, including the location of US nuclear missiles.

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Man wrongly imprisoned for having chubby face
Guardian | Submitted by: george_lazenby
"The next thing I know, two plain-clothes officers came up, flashed their badges and said they were arresting me on suspicion of robbery. I said, 'Are you sure?' They said, 'Yes, you - you with the round, chubby face.' The police charged him and confiscated his car, alleging that it had been purchased with proceedings from the robbery. When the case went to trial in Birmingham in May 2001, the jury unanimously convicted him. Higgins received a five-year sentence." I thought all those cameras were supposed to <i>prevent</i> these kinds of things...

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4.4 Earthquake Hits Yucca Mountain
Associated Press | Submitted by: george_lazenby
"A mild earthquake rumbled beneath the desert early Friday near Yucca Mountain, the federal government's proposed site for a nuclear waste repository. The quake had a preliminary magnitude of 4.4 and hit about 5:40 a.m., 75 miles northwest of Las Vegas and about 3 miles beneath the surface."

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Pay me, I died on 9/11
BBC | Submitted by: Ann Onymous
"A Hong Kong man has admitted trying to fake his death in the 11 September attacks on the World Trade Center in an attempt to escape the law. Steven Chin Leung, 34, falsely registered himself as missing after the attack... Following the attacks, he phoned his lawyer and city officials, posing as his brother, and registered himself as missing."

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Comatose man billed for blocking intersection
National Post | Submitted by: Kathy
"A Waterloo [Canada] man rendered comatose after being hit by a car and thrown 45 metres has been billed $41.43 for the cost of closing the intersection afterward. Brant Kardas, 24, was hit while he and a friend, David McQuinn, ran across a snowy street into oncoming traffic. Police found the pair responsible for the collision."

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Brokaw to honor SPAM
Newsday | Submitted by: Pope Jephe
"A Spam-o-meter at the museum tallies the cans of Spam produced. Hormel expects to turn out its 6 billionth sometime between June 29 and July 3." One further indignity: "On Sunday, Brokaw, the NBC News anchor, will dedicate a special memorial to honor World War II veterans."

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The Joy of Loincloth
Mainichi Daily News | Submitted by: LucrezaBorgia
"Loincloths were once made only in simple white. But, like trunks and briefs, they now come in a variety of designs, sizes and styles, but each has the added advantage of being hand crafted. Loincloths are apparently popular because they're airy, feel good on the skin, can be easily washed and are simple to attach."

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Ape gets Buddhist funeral
Newsday | Submitted by: Pope Jephe
"Thai fans by the hundreds arrived to take part in Buddhist funeral rites for the gentle orangutan who died Thursday at the age of 17 of complications from water in the lungs."

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Iran's gangsta hippies
Asia Times | Submitted by: Son of Benway
"When the girls finally get to their destination they are usually met by a battalion of rappis. A rappi, a term coined by Iranian youths, is a cool guy who wears his clothes just like an American rapper, including, in the ultra-coolest cases, a ghetto blaster on his shoulder... In this Islamically forbidden version of a weekend Woodstock, some people lie asleep (too much partying on Thursday night), some play cards (an activity forbidden by the regime), some smoke hashish (instead of the opium preferred by the older generations)."

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New Shinto God: Bearded Poultry Man
BBC | Submitted by: f00f
"The Colonel was whisked from a store in Kobe's Sannomiya entertainment district by a mob of men. They then kicked the statue and made off with its hands. It was a repeat of an incident in 1985 when, after a Hanshin Tigers triumph, a life-sized model of Colonel Sanders was stolen and thrown into the Dotonbori River. The Colonel was replaced by Japan fans yesterday, with 500 hurling themselves into the river in joy, despite the presence of 400 police officers detailed to stop them."

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Ron the hermit gets his parking permit
Sydney Morning Herald | Submitted by: george_lazenby
"Rather than eviction, River Ron, his shack and his dog, Bella, can not only stay but will be treated as an important part of the park's cultural heritage."

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How the DOD can affect Hollywood
Washington Post | Submitted by: Daremaster Spoodle
Recently, scriptwriters and producers from John Woo's new film "Windtalkers" had to remove some scenes portraying war crimes committed by U.S. Marines in order not to compromise possible financial assistance for the film from the Defense Department. And even though a captain from the Marine Corps acknowledges that war crimes in the Pacific like the ones shown in "Windtalkers" actually happened, the Defense Department and that same film liason representative from the Marines still wanted questionable scenes portraying those war crimes removed.

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German boy stabs self to death in class
Times | Submitted by: george_lazenby
"'He was sitting next to me. When the teacher told him the results, he got up and stabbed himself in the stomach, over and over again.' The teacher collapsed in shock. The pupils called an ambulance for the boy who had 12 stab wounds and bled to death in hospital."

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Britney Blows Transformer
Lubbock Avalanche-Journal | Submitted by: Inky
Apparently, even the gods can't stand Britney Spears' singing. A power transformer at the United Spirit Arena in Lubbock, Texas, blew out causing her concert to be canceled two songs in Friday night. "Please don't boo," she said, then walked off the stage. The managers blame her show's power requirements, but that same arena has played host to power-intensive acts like KISS and Sir Elton John with no problems.

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Wiseguys had scam they could bank on
New York Post | Submitted by: wingnut
"A Bonanno family underboss pleaded guilty to racketeering yesterday for running loan sharking, money laundering and gambling operations from a Long Island bank branch. Salvatore "The Chief" Vitale and his mob crew had the run of the European American Bank branch in Melville, where they doled out illegal loans, beat up on customers who didn't pay up and even "caned" a man in a conference room."

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South Korea fan sets himself on fire
ESPN | Submitted by: anonymous
"A man who said he wanted to help South Korea's soccer team by becoming a phantom 12th player set himself on fire Friday. The 39 year old man was in critical condition, hospital officials said." His note: "I will become the 12th soccer player by becoming a spirit and will run for the victory of the Korean team. Fighting Korea!"

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