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June 11, 2002

Severed testicles found in fridge
myCFnow | Submitted by: Rio
"Detective Bruce Smith said that investigators found a pair of severed testicles in a Tupperware container in a refrigerator at a suspect's house. The detective said that the castrated man told officers he wanted the operation done. He added that it is the strangest case he has seen in his 24 years of police work. The men apparently met on an Internet Web site."

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FBI databases are fucked
Business Week | Submitted by: Soylent
"Mueller revealed that the bureau was unable to search through its electronic documents using anything but single terms. Searching for something as simple as, say, flight schools in agent files would confuse the computer, even though such search capability has long been the available to anyone who staggers into an Internet cafe from Delhi to Des Moines."

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Steven Segal extortion scheme
New York Daily News | Submitted by: Scarface Tony
"Federal prosecutors charged Seagal's former business partner Julius Nasso and some reputed gangsters yesterday with shaking down the aging action star... Ciccone allegedly told Nasso to demand that Seagal pay the crime family $150,000 for each film he makes or agree to cut Nasso into future projects."

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Did you forget something?
canada.com | Submitted by: Halifax
Last week in Montreal, a 5-year-old mentally handicapped boy was left on a school bus parked in front of the driver's house for 5 1/2 hours. The driver and bus monitor never bothered to ensure that the child was dropped off at school that morning. The situation was discovered when a passerby went to the driver's front door and alerted him to the situation.

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Pierced genitals his best legal defense
New Haven Register | Submitted by: anonymous
"The body piercing has become pivotal because the alleged victim never reported that her attacker wore jewelry on his penis. Hinds' lawyer, Peter Stark of Milford, said his client has had a pierced penis for several years, well before the alleged kidnapping and rape took place. Hinds' ex-wife is expected to testify that he sported it during their marriage, he said."

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Dot Com Perverts
New York Post | Submitted by: Waingro
"Pierce is a former actor who starred in Disney movies such as The Mighty Ducks and Little Big League in the early '90s. The men have been sued in the past for allegedly raping, drugging and threatening to kill teenage boys while they still ran the now-defunct DEN.net" [Digital Entertainment Network, a attempt to capitalize on broadband media.]

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PH.D's worthless for non-whites in DARPA
Black Commentator | Submitted by: Son of Benway
"White managers at one of the nationís most sensitive military installations routinely assault Black employees with an archaic racial epithet, undermining even the pretense of unified national resolve in the "War on Terror." At Huntsville, Alabamaís Redstone Arsenal, a military and civilian culture holds sway that seems to revel in the language of unrelenting war against the humanity and dignity of African Americans. What do they call a Black Ph.D. at Redstone? Tar Baby."

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Racist police dog on the hot seat in PA
Fox News | Submitted by: Crampon
"A Pennsylvania councilwoman has accused her borough's lone police dog of racial profiling, leading to calls that the canine be killed. Dolpho, a 5-year-old German shepherd, can sniff out the difference between marijuana, heroin and cocaine...But councilwoman Wanda Jones Dixon said Dolpho can also tell the difference between blacks and whites, and should be put to sleep."

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Wes Craven's Coleslaw
New York Post | Submitted by: george_lazenby, Paratact
"Josť Chagulia, 39, of Queens, was killed when a rotating drum broke loose from its base as it chopped cabbage for coleslaw, pinning him against a wall, officials said. The machine also severed the arm of second man, broke the knee of a third and sliced the ear of a fourth."

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Democratic Convention ends in knife fight
Press of Atlantic City | Submitted by: tjd
"The [Atlantic City] Democratic committee's reorganization meeting ended in a knife fight Monday. Jihad Callaway, brother of Craig Callaway, pulled a knife on Elijah Steele, a supporter of Mayor Lorenzo Langford, in front of Local 54's headquarters, witnesses said. Steele reportedly responded with his own blade." [Who names their son "Jihad"?]

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Sapphic Surprise in Scooby Doo
Yahoo! Movies | Submitted by: Tom Lyme
Submitter writes: The actresses playing Daphne, better known as Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and Velma swap spit in an edited scene in the upcoming Scooby-Doo movie. A typically cynical attempt from Hollywood to make a movie seem more hip and modern, but I still hope for a special edition DVD release.

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US dropping freedoms left and right
The Age | Submitted by: Dominus Bishop
"About 100,000 visitors a year from more than 24 countries where terrorists have been known to live will be required to give fingerprints, register with the US Government and detail their movements under an unprecedented plan announced on Wednesday."

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Sodomites want name change
myCFnow | Submitted by: Rio
"Some people who live on Sodom Road are hoping petitions will be sufficient to do away with the name of their street... The town historian said he doesn't know the origin of the road's name. Some residents said it was named after a general, while others say the road earned the name because a brothel was once located there."

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The going-out-of-business scam
Straight Goods | Submitted by: Ann Onymous
It works like this. Say a furniture store needs a quick cash injection. The store hires a liquidation company masquerading as a business or a perhaps a marketing solutions company to handle all aspects of the sale. The store pays the liquidation company by jacking up its prices. The store will often close for a day or two to give the liquidators time to completely rewrite the prices, cross them out and advertise the new sale prices, which are in fact sometimes considerably higher than the regular prices. The store hangs on to the same margins as before, pays the liquidation company and makes a packet in a short period of time through sheer volume of customers. The sale lasts two or three months, the store then closes for a day or two, if at all and advertises a reopening sale a short time later.

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Race car driver goes berserk
Sumter Item | Submitted by: Flash
"With the race stopped, Disher drove around the track, turned around toward the already damaged cars and continued hitting vehicles for several minutes before coming to a stop, according to reports... as he was being escorted from the track, Disher "shook his butt at the crowd," which resulted in both applause from the crowd and a charge of public disorderly conduct."

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