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May 16, 2002

God Is A Pedophile
WSB-TV 2 Atlanta | Submitted by: Incubus
"In some Nuwaubian literature, York has been referred to as the group's avior or god and described as an extraterrestrial from the planet Rizq. FBI agent Jalaine Ward testified that three children told her they were forced to perform oral sex and other acts with York, 56, and Johnson, 33."

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Boys in trouble for finger gunplay
KMGH-TV 7 Denver | Submitted by: george_lazenby
"The boys were playing soldiers-versus-aliens during lunch when a playground monitor pulled them all aside and brought them to the principal's office because they displayed violent and aggressive behavior during the game, said Mary Terch, executive director of elementary education for Cherry Creek Schools. She called all of their parents to pick them up early from school and gave them lunchtime detention for the week after they returned from spring break, the Times reported." How anyone can still maintain that this current generation of kids will not grow up to be nuerotic Woody Allens.

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Suspended boner no no boy's boner essay
Stuff NZ | Submitted by: george_lazenby
Mike Scherger, 15, had to write a story in his year 10 English class titled: How does your body betray you? He wrote about an embarrassed teenager whom he described as having "a boner" (an erection), while in class and not wanting to leave his seat when called to the front of the class. His English teacher showed the story to principal Alison Annan who said it was "sexually offensive" and "totally inappropriate" and suggested the boy recieve counseling. As a result he was stood down [detained] for five days, the longest period allowed.

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Government lying about deficit bigtime
New York Post | Submitted by: anonymous
"Carefully hidden on a Treasury Department Web site is an undated letter from Secretary Paul O'Neill that puts the deficit number last year at quadruple what Congress is worried about. Here are O'Neill's written words in a "Message From the Secretary Of The Treasury: ... For fiscal 2001, our results were an accrual-based deficit of $515 billion in contrast to a $127 billion budget surplus reported last fall."

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Palestinian Gunmen got plastered in Church
Washington Times | Submitted by: Wessoman
Apparently, Palestinian Gunmen held up in the now famous Church of the Nativity seige used the standoff as a great excuse to eschew themselves from Islamic law and get hammered. "They also guzzled beer, wine and Johnnie Walker scotch that they found in priests' quarters, undeterred by the Islamic ban on drinking alcohol...Angry Orthodox priests yesterday showed two reporters about 20 empty bottles of whiskey, champagne, vodka, cognac and French wine on a kitchen shelf and on the floor of two rooms."

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$500 fine for sneeze attack
News Corporation | Submitted by: worldwadeweb
More mucus madness: "A woman who sneezed in a policeman's face was yesterday convicted for assault and fined $500." Watch where you point that thing...

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American Youth: still worthless
CNN | Submitted by: Nordizzle!
A bicyclist clinging for his life after falling from a bridge was spotted by two teens who laughed at him and then walked away. Way to go.

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Mayor E. Jane
canada.com | Submitted by: Meerkat
Mark Emery: Tireless crusader, publisher of Canabis Culture, creator of pottv.com, and president of the BC Marijuana Party, recently announced his plans to run for mayor of Vancouver. Should he be elected, the "Prince of Pot's" reforms will include the firing of all current police officers, government supplied heroin and cocaine for addicts (delivered to their door), and ...of course, the complete legalization of marijuana. Go Mark!

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South African sells human head at abbatoir
Tiscali World Online | Submitted by: butcher_boy
The headless body of a 52-year-old man was discovered by his friend in a town in South Africa early this week. Now police have arrested a man who tried to sell them the head for about $1 000. The head was being sold for use in magic.

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Stripper's Child May Be Kicked Out Of School
myCFnow | Submitted by: Rio
Officials are threatening to kick a stripper's child out of school after a parent at her daughter's kindergarten showed the school some Internet pictures of woman. "When the child is taught principles for truth in the classroom, but then modeled something different in her house, how can that child not be confused? The message won't make sense," Church pastor Rev. Rick Cole said.

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Mother destroys art hoard worth $1.4 Billion
BBC | Submitted by: glinda
"A hoard of stolen art worth more than $1.4 BILLION has been destroyed by the mother of a French art thief... Breitwieser, 31, currently in prison, stole the works in the years after 1995, travelling across Europe to work as a restaurant waiter in different cities... When his mother heard about his arrest, in November 2001, she dumped many of the stolen artefacts in the Rhine-Rhône canal, and later destroyed the paintings, forcing some of them into her waste disposal unit."

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Five rules to avoid being killed by wives
Japan Today | Submitted by: Dominus Bishop
4. Pay special attention to curry. "The spicy flavor hides the strong odor of most poisons," explained Keiichi Tsuneishi, a biochemical professor at Kanagawa university. 5. Don't neglect having sex with your wife. "No matter how old he is, a husband should pay attention to his wife's sexual needs," advised Ikeuchi. "He also needs to listen to his wife and talk with her if she has any complaints."

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Arizona sheriffs outpace the local riff-raff
Arizona Republic | Submitted by: Son of Benway
"Since Sheriff Roger Vanderpool took office last year, at least 22 deputies and detention officers in the 250-member department have been suspended, demoted, fired or forced to quit. Allegations involve having sex with minors, sending drunken drivers back on the road and stopping cars for vehicle repossession companies...One officer was forced to resign after it was learned he was keeping $10,000 in cash, seized during drug raids, in his unlocked desk..."

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Man Cleaning Septic Tanks for Sex and Guns
AZ Central | Submitted by: Dominus Bishop
White trash is alive and well in Camden.

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Arsonist Sent to Live in Senior Home
AZ Central | Submitted by: Dominus Bishop
"A convicted arsonist who was ordered to serve his time at his mother's house was sent to jail after the courts discovered she lived in a seniors home. She moved there after her son burned down her house last year."

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Putting words in your mouth
Boston Globe | Submitted by: anonymous
"Scientists at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology have created the first realistic videos of people saying things they never said, a scientific leap that raises unsettling questions about falsifying the moving image... researchers taped a woman speaking into a camera, and then reprocessed the footage into a new video that showed her speaking entirely new sentences." Like the government couldn't do this before.

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