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March 30, 2002

Profile in Courage
Ottawa Daily Times | Submitted by: Gutter Juice
First you get up the courage to whack someone, but then the issue of a place to dispose of the body, hiding her car, just too much to handle at one time. That is why Dennis L. Wilson decided to wait a week and think about it...with her in the trunk. Of course he still drove her car to a bar, took some drugs, and when someone knew when to say when, well, thankfully he didn't have a flat tire.

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Six masturbating men in sting
Belleville Intelligencer | Submitted by: sicness
"One of the officers, who spoke to The Intelligencer on condition of anonymity, said the men arrived at the park alone, met with other men, and were observed masturbating openly while sitting in parked vehicles in the west lot of Zwicks, at times less than 10 metres away from children using the playground equipment."

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Submarines to sink casino riverboats
Associated Press | Submitted by: Reid Fleming
Earlier this week, representative Tom Burch offered a solution on the floor of Kentucky's state legislature intended to halt the damage to Kentucky's horseracing industry caused by casino riverboats operating on the Ohio River. He proposes a submarine be commissioned to "engage and destroy any casino riverboats that [it] may encounter." Accordingly, Burch warns riverboat operators that they should beware this "impending whoopin' so that they may remove their casino vessels to friendlier waters."

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Felony lawnmowing conviction
Syracuse Post-Standard | Submitted by: jon
"Kocur, 39, told Judge Peter E. Corning that he was driving the mower, a friend was riding in the wagon, and the pair was picking up trash along the side of the road... Cayuga County Sheriff's Deputy Michael Lupo ordered the mower to the side of the road and eventually arrested Kocur for what would become his fifth driving while intoxicated conviction."

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Easter Bunny attack
Associated Press | Submitted by: CUAdam
"Bowes was walking near his home at about 11 a.m. Wednesday when the attack occurred. A small, gray jack rabbit bounded toward him from a nearby fence." After the bunny bit him, Bowes had to receive rabies shots and will require five more shots over the coming weeks.

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cheers: 10 Commandments, jeers: 5 Pillars of Islam
Associated Press | Submitted by: Reid Fleming
Authorities in a Tennessee county who recently voted to post the Ten Commandments in public facilities has been asked repeatedly by a local resident to display the Five Pillars of Islam as well. The county commission has declined this suggestion, citing recent terrorist actions perpetrated by Muslims. The citizen has contacted the ACLU, who told her to get a clue; they had entirely opposed the Ten Commandments thing and would have to fight the Five Pillars of Islam proposal as well. Who could have predicted that when a government takes steps to promote one religion that it does so at the expense of all others? Oh yeah, the authors of the Bill of Rights. I forgot.

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Munchkin cats reach Britain
The Sun | Submitted by: Soylent
"This is Alby, a moggie equivalent of a sausage dog. The short-legged puss is one of a bizarre breed named Munchkins and is the first to arrive in Britain. Yesterday he was at the centre of a storm as cat welfare groups branded the breed deformed and freakish." We prefer to think of them as "half-heights".

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