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April 07, 2002

Teacher builds feces-rich environment
New York Post | Submitted by: Wingnut
An eighth grade teacher from Long Island rescued puppies from puppy mills to give them a better life... in the feces-rich atmosphere of his house in which he also raised goats and pigs and emus, plus innumerable other domesticated pets. Actually they were enumerated and over 100 animals were found in the household menagerie. Doctor Dolittle is now out on bail.

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Crackhead kills man with samurai sword
Newsday | Submitted by: Reid Fleming
Donald Platt had been unemployed for six months. The power had been shut off at his house for almost a week. So when some creditor to whom Platt owed crack money showed up in a limousine, he responded the same as you or I would: by slashing the guy's head and chest with a 3.5 foot samurai sword. The victim died on the front lawn. Platt's wife said "I heard the cracking noise when the sword hit his face [...] he didn't stop. He kept on swinging. He just snapped."

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Mad Scientist wants to build time machine
Boston Globe | Submitted by: SC
"I'm not a nut... I hope to have a working mockup and start experiments this fall. I would think I was a crackpot, too, if there weren't other colleagues I knew who were working on it. This isn't Ron Mallett's theory of matter; it's Einstein's theory of relativity. I'm not pulling things out of the known laws of physics." Oh, but you are.

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Mideast conflict is beginning of Armageddon
Washington Times | Submitted by: Mr. Ramon
"I see Israel as the only nation on Earth with a title deed to any real estate," said Hal Lindsey, who popularized the study of Bible prophecy in his 1970 book, "The Late Great Planet Earth." "In Jeremiah, God declared a promise to the people of Israel, and He keeps His promise," Mr. Lindsey said. "We're seeing a contest now between God's promise and the rest of the world, which says Israel can't exist."

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Nice guy turns in prostitution ring
Kingston Whig-Standard | Submitted by: Burke
A man ratted out a prostitution ring in Ontario because he felt guilty after fucking a sixteen year old girl. Shocking, simply shocking that a cute young thing could be so... young. The fortysomethings who ran the ring spent a budget of $800K/yr for yellowpages advertisements, lived in a fortified home in Toronto, and are probably really nice guys once you get over the whole "white slavery" thing.

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