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December 11, 2002

Man eats self, then gay lover eats him
South African Broadcasting | Submitted by: Milk Bone, Armageddonman, Fritz
"The accused supposedly first cut off the penis of the victim by mutual agreement because they wanted to eat it together," said the statement. The accused then killed the 37-year-old male victim with deep cuts to the neck, and then chopped the body into pieces which he deep froze and later ate, the statement said. "While he froze portions of the flesh, he supposedly buried the rest of the corpse. He ate most of the flesh later."

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Breeding better people in South Carolina
Charlotte Observer | Submitted by: Dirty Sammy
"North Carolina had one of the nation's most aggressive and longest running eugenics programs, sterilizing 7,600 people, including 2,000 children, between 1929 and 1974. Copies of secret state documents, examined and reported by the Winston-Salem Journal, revealed the extent of the influence exerted by the Eugenics Board of North Carolina."

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Darwin claims artist
London Telegraph | Submitted by: f00f
"An artist who embarked on a 100-mile walk across one of the remotest areas of Scotland to experience "what it is like to be alone" has died after being found cold and starving... Wendy Davies, 67, her mother, said yesterday: "She wanted to experience first hand what it was like to be alone, without people. She was not lonely. She did not feel lonely."

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Feds to auction whorehouse memorobilia
Reno Gazette-Journal | Submitted by: fishcake
"More than 250 items, many of which are inscribed with the infamous brothel's logo, will be sold in the pink stucco building’s main parlor, where women once greeted their guests but is now an empty room where dozens of plastic chairs and a podium await some eager collectors."

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Drivers screwed on interstate
Boston Globe | Submitted by: painiac
"Scores of cars and trucks got flat tires Monday along a 15-mile stretch of Interstate 65 in the Lebanon Junction (Kentucky) area after an estimated 50,000 one-inch-long screws spilled onto the pavement from an unknown source. A dispatcher said at least 80 calls were received from motorists. "Nobody saw a truck losing the screws, and I'm sure the driver doesn't want to come and tell us because somebody might have to buy a bunch of tires."

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Bald bears in Florida
CNN | Submitted by: Foetus
"More than half the black bears living in the forest around the north central Florida community of Lynne are suffering from a type of mange that makes their hair fall out." With an interesting photo of a bear suffering from male pattern bearness.

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Santa's going down in a blaze of glory
Mirror | Submitted by: freakymeatballs
"A blundering vicar left young children devastated when he told them that Father Christmas couldn't possibly exist because his work rota would kill him. His reindeer wouldn't fare any better, he said, because they would be instantly vaporised flying at 3,000 times the speed of sound trying to deliver 378 million presents to 91.8 million homes."

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Car Crashes into second story bedroom
New York Post | Submitted by: Tribal Outsider
A 56 year old Long Island, NY drunk crashes his 87 Corvette into a second story bedroom, just a few feet from a sleeping couple. He rode up a snow berm and launched the car. Afterwards the homeowner found him leaning against the house holding a bottle of Jack Daniels mumbling something about a car jacking. There are photos of the damaged bedroom.

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Man barbeques cat
Las Cruces Sun-News | Submitted by: optional
"A 20 year old man was arrested Monday after he allegedly killed and ate his pet cat, police reported... According to court documents, officers found the cat in pieces in a plastic bag... Police reported that Arias cut up the cat, placed it on the barbecue grill, poured barbecue sauce on it and then ate some of it." Delicious.

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Hungry Muslims price-gouged after fast
Moscow Times | Submitted by: Son of Benway
"Grocery prices at the food markets in Russia's Muslim republics doubled during the first week of December. Women doing their shopping desperately and loudly scolded and cast spells on the traders at the market, as they do every year... Uraza-Bairam, the last day of the holy month of Ramadan, came on Dec. 5, putting an end to the monthlong period of fasting obligatory for all devout Muslims."

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Four hundred women slain in honor killings
WKMG-TV 6 Orlando | Submitted by: Rio
"Pakistan's main human rights body said Wednesday that at least 461 women have been killed by family members in so-called "honor killings" this year, an increase from the year before. In such killings, women are murdered to protect the "family honor" for immoral behavior ranging from sex outside marriage, dating, talking to men, being raped or even cooking poorly."

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Virgin Mary shocker on BBC
Glasgow Sunday Herald | Submitted by: SpanishJoe
"Firstly it looks at the possibility that she slept with Joseph while she was engaged to be married to him, secondly that she was raped by a Roman soldier and thirdly that she fell pregnant to an unidentified man before marrying Joseph. It concludes that Mary was most likely to have concieved Jesus with Joseph before their marriage as Joseph stood by her; an unmarried pregnant woman at that time in Palestine would have been cast out from the community or may even have been stoned to death."

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Horrors of the Lost and Found
Orlando Sentinel | Submitted by: sickrobot
"Oh, we get body parts all the time," Lauver says. The limbs are frequently jolted loose by amusement park rides. But unlike sunglasses and hats, body parts usually are claimed by their owners... "You'd be surprised how many dentures we get," says Trisha Engler, assistant director of park operations. "Sometimes they take them out while they're eating, leave them on the table at a restaurant, and we end up with them in here."

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Yves Saint Laurent is no saint
Le Matin | Submitted by: ferro_kid
Scandal swept the French nation when Yves saint Laurent launched its new perfume, M7, with an ad campaign featuring a very handsome man clad only in his birthday suit. The site is in French, but scroll down to M7 for a picture. You can't miss it.

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Radiation monitors in NYC subway catching chemos
Journal of the AMA | Submitted by: f00f
Submitted by short news story previously, we bring you the JAMA quickie: "We recently treated a 34 year old man for Graves disease with 20 mCi of iodine 131. Twenty-four hours after treatment, his radioactive iodine uptake was 63%. Three weeks after treatment, he returned to our clinic complaining that he had been strip-searched twice at Manhattan subway stations. Police had identified him as emitting radiation and had detained him for further questioning. He returned to the clinic and requested a letter stating that he had recently been treated with radioactive iodine."

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Pot brings teacher holiday cheer
CNN | Submitted by: scrooge
"The Department of Social Services is looking into a possible case of child abuse after a 4 year old girl brought her teacher a small bag of marijuana as a gift. When Head Start Early Childhood Center teacher Iris Galvez asked where she got the gift Monday, the girl said she got it "from her mommy," according to a police report obtained by the Union-News of Springfield."

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Megalomediacs seek domination of airwaves
Guerrilla News Network | Submitted by: Meerkat
"Before passage of the 1996 Telecommunications Act, a company could not own more than 40 radio stations in the entire country. With the Act's sweeping relaxation of ownership limits, Clear Channel now owns approximately 1225 radio stations in 300 cities and dominates the audience share in 100 of 112 major markets. Its closest competitors, CBS and ABC, media giants in their own right, own only one-fifth as many stations."

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Suspected thief steals Keystone Kop car
News Corporation | Submitted by: Danny Z
A burglary suspect eluded police by stealing the squad car of one of the officers pursuing him. Police later found the car in the garage of a LaPorte County home, but there was no one in the house. "We're just trying to regroup and find out where this guy went," said Police Chief Walter Brath."

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Man settles gambling debt with rape of wife
WDIV-TV 4 Detroit | Submitted by: Dirty Sammy
"A Warren man accused of paying off a gambling debt by arranging for his wife to be sexually assaulted pleaded no contest Tuesday to second degree criminal sexual conduct, Local 4 reported... The woman was reportedly unaware of the gambling debt."

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Man protests dress code, with dress
News Corporation | Submitted by: Danny Z
"Mike Samples doesn't like the new dress code at his state job, so he wore a dress to work. Instead of his usual jeans, ball cap and T-shirt, the 32-year-old claims manager in the Workers' Compensation Division wore a polka-dot maternity dress he'd borrowed from a friend to protest the new guidelines. 'Those things aren't nearly as comfortable as I thought they would be', Samples said."

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Santa Cruz City Council deputizes pot farmers
KCBS-AM 740 San Francisco | Submitted by: jlb
"Santa Cruz officials have taken another pot shot at federal drug agents by deputizing two founders of a medical marijuana farm which was raided in September. The vote gave the Corrals the authority to cultivate, distribute and possess medical marijuana... the council's action means the couple can carry the controlled substance because they are in effect enforcing drug laws. In this case, the drug law is the city's ordinance regulating medical pot." We can buy my dope directly from the cops now?

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Mormons still baptizing dead jews
Cleveland Jewish News | Submitted by: Captain Falcon
"Some genealogists have characterized the practice of turning dead Jews into Mormons as a brazen act that may obscure the historical record for future generations. Expressing outrage in recent days at the persistence of a practice that they liken to the 'forced conversion' of souls in the afterlife, some have hinted at the possibility of a class action lawsuit for damages. Few have been placated by the church's explanation that deceased persons may choose to accept or reject the baptism in the afterlife."

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Italian vacation comes to splattery end
Sun | Submitted by: Milk Bone
"A woman hurled herself from the top of the Leaning Tower of Pisa yesterday as British tourists watched in horror. The suicidal 61 year old plummeted to her death from the world-famous 180ft landmark, just missing holidaymakers thronging the piazza below." With fantastic graphic.

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