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November 01, 2002

Chechen terrorists to be buried in pigskin
Arutz Sheva | Submitted by: JON BLAST
"According to the Moskovski Komsomol newspaper, Russian security forces have decided to bury the terrorists from last's week's hostage siege wrapped in pig's skin. The aim is to deter potential Islamic terrorists from future attacks [by denying them access to heaven]." This is of course, a secondhand report from a rather biased source.

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This police beatdown brought to you by...
Wire Services | Submitted by: Dirty Sammy
"To cash-strapped cities across the nation, the offer seems too good to pass up. New police cars for $1 each in exchange for allowing NASCAR style advertisements all over the cruisers... more than 20 cities have signed contracts for the cars, and more than 200 others are interested... And Biggs, Calif., population 1,793, is mulling an offer from the California Milk Processor Board to change its name to Got Milk?, Calif., for a meaningful contribution."

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Canadian convicts got the power
Canadian Broadcasting | Submitted by: Dirty Sammy
"The Supreme Court of Canada says federal inmates do have the right to vote in federal elections. The ruling said that 1993 federal legislation that took the vote away violates fundamental rights." What is not written in that article, is this may be a way to take some of the unwarranted power from prison lobby groups in the United States, who are intent upon incarcerating an ever-increasing percentage of the American population.

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School guard shoots student
CNN | Submitted by: anonymous
It's totally a great idea to have armed Pinkerton's on high school campuses: "Shortly before 3 p.m., as classes were letting out for the day, the student and the guard crossed paths and, after a discussion, the boy reached for his pocket, Allen said. Thinking the boy was planning to pull a gun, the guard pulled his own weapon and fired, Allen said."

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Hell's Angels goes mainstream?
Canadian Press | Submitted by: Gorg
"Manitoba's Conservative Party leader thinks tough talk by the province's justice minister on the Hells Angels has come back to haunt him. Stuart Murray says Gord Mackintosh should be embarrassed because the outlaw biker gang is opening a clothing store down the street from his constituency office."

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Junior high girls selling freshly soiled panties
Mainichi Daily News | Submitted by: LucrezaBorgia
"Police said other retailers had in the past sold used women's underwear, but in the store that the 43-year-old effectively operated, girls were made to wait while customers chose one of them to remove their underwear so they could buy it. Lee reportedly formed a list of over 1,800 junior high school and high school girls who would sell their underwear, and gathered girls and customers through an Internet home page. In addition to selling underwear at the store, he reportedly sold items through mail order."

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Franco: Science proved Marxists retards
Guardian | Submitted by: Fool Mudamos
"Little surprise, then, that he classified almost a third of the English prisoners as "mental retards". Another third were deemed to be suffering degenerative mental illnesses that were turning them into schizoids, paranoids or psychopaths. Their fall into Marxism was, in turn, exacerbated by the fact that 29% were also considered "social imbeciles".

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Namibia rejects deal with the devil
The Register | Submitted by: Spookbabe
"Komen says he has no desire to turn his organization into a platform for Microsoft publicity, especially when the networking deal would cost the organization something like $22,000 by his reckoning, in addition to the $9,000 he would need to accept Redmond's incredibly 'generous' $2,000 offer regarding the laptops."

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Boner loses pants in scuffle
NBC 4 | Submitted by: Muad'Dib
"The incident happened when Boner pulled his car into the parking lot of a 7 Eleven. Reed, who had been surveilling Boner's car in a high drug area of Stafford County, walked up to the car to talk to its occupants, according to Roderick. That's when Reed says Boner bolted out of the car and ran. Another occupant in the car remained in the vehicle." One correction, a true Boner wouldn't "bolt out", he would "pull out".

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George Bush's ram roast massacred
Crossville Chronicle | Submitted by: meatload
"A tractor trailer rig loaded with over 500 goats and sheep, including 50 that the driver said were headed for a ram roast being thrown by the President, overturned on I-40 Wednesday morning. An estimated 200 sheep and goats were killed in the crash. Carcasses of the dead animals were taken to a Scott County landfill which is permitted to handle such a large number."

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Information wants to be fabricated
Wired | Submitted by: meatload
"The journal Science retracted eight of Hendrik Schon's research papers on Thursday, but his erroneous scientific discoveries still lurk on the Internet. In September, an investigative committee found that 17 papers authored by Schon that had been considered major breakthroughs in physics were mostly fabrications."

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Students had contract on teacher
Borneo Bulletin | Submitted by: meatload
"Bangladeshi police have detained two 14 year olds who allegedly hired a hitman to gun down their teacher at his home, police said Thursday. Police said the grade-seven students confessed they had plotted the murder of teacher Swapan Goshwami, who they contended was rude to them in class and an unfairly tough grader."

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Holywar complex pervades U.S. relations
Asia Times | Submitted by: meatload
"While reading American history, a clear impression arises that the US-style strategic mentality is distinctly branded with religious marks. The Truman-style holy-war mentality, "either with the USA or with the USSR", has found echoes in George W Bush more than 50 years later. Politically, they tend to think that the social and political events are wars between God and Satan... with anyone who refuses America's "kindness" becoming the target of American "morality".

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Howard Stern to remake Porky's
CNN | Submitted by: kade
"Radio humorist Howard Stern is developing modern-day remakes of the classic teen pictures Porky's and Rock 'n' Roll High School, Variety reports. The titles will be presented under the banner "Howard Stern Presents", with the New York-based shock-jock serving as executive producer on both." Umm, why tamper with perfection? Fuck.

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Holiday Inn nightmare: $33,000 a night
Ottawa Citizen | Submitted by: Jiboo
"More than 30,000 people who stayed at Holiday Inns across the United States on Saturday night were unknowingly billed 100 times the true cost of their stay, and many had credit cards suspended or bank accounts emptied as a result. The computer glitch, caused by the clearing house that handles the giant hotel chain's U.S. business, added hundreds of millions in phantom charges."

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Politics makes strange bedfellows
Philadelphia Inquirer | Submitted by: Rev. Soror Lucy Cannon
It sounds like the plot of a ghastly star-vehicle high-concept movie: She's a Japanese abducted years ago by the Koreans. He's a US military deserter. Together they found love and raised a family. Now, the Japanese government wants her back, husband and all. But the US government has decided it wants a little talk with the guy who took off across the DMZ all those years ago. If he leaves North Korea, his next stop may not be Japan but Leavenworth.

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Cafeteria prank gets teen arrested
Arizona Daily Star | Submitted by: Omniphage
"A Marana High School sophomore was arrested Thursday after he jumped on a cafeteria table and declared he'd kill everybody. He wore a fake bomb belt and held a broken BB handgun and defended his actions as a Halloween prank, police said... Students in the cafeteria at the time were "shocked" and the entire room was silenced, Vidaurri said."

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Guy shoots them damn trick or treaters
KOCO-TV 5 Oklahoma City | Submitted by: Milk Bone
"An Illinois man was taken into police custody early Friday morning, for allegedly shooting through his apartment door at trick or treaters who knocked on it. Police said five children were with three adult women when they knocked on an apartment door, and someone inside the apartment fired five shots through the door. The incident happened at 135 Walnut Dr., around 8:30 p.m., police said."

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