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October 01, 2002

The drop zone of pain
Zwire | Submitted by: Son of Benway
"A woman coming in for a parachute landing about 3:53 p.m Sunday at North Central Airport suffered severe injuries to her right arm when she drifted into the whirring propeller of a plane readying for takeoff with about 16 other jumpers... "I was screaming for her to turn, turn," said Donna Gamache, who was getting ready for her own jump. "She panicked," and failed to attempt any maneuvers that could have moved her out of harm's way, Gamache said."

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Bungee jumper hits cruise ship
Vancouver Sun | Submitted by: Gorg
Man tries to land on a cruise ship via unorthodox means: "He could have been killed," Detective Scott Driemel said Monday of the incident, in which the jumper hit the boat's tennis court, bounced, and struck the stern railing. He was left dangling in midair before being picked up by a water taxi and taken into custody by the Vancouver police marine squad."

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Was mom asphyxiated by her own boobies?
Sun | Submitted by: chompson
"The theory was put to a Home Office pathologist after 17st Yvette Dow, 24, was found face down on her floor, her head enveloped by "her very large breasts". Professor Guy Rutty admitted it was possible the mum of two may have collapsed from a fit, and smothered herself."

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Sharks pull surfers off boards
WKMG-TV 6 Orlando | Submitted by: Rio
"Two surfers were pulled off their boards in separate shark attacks off the Central Florida coast, according to Local 6 News. Dr. Dave Fogelberg was surfing with a friend Sunday morning in Sebastian Inlet in Brevard County, Fla., when an 8-foot shark grabbed his hand and pulled him into the water. "I remember him coming out of the water," Fogelberg said. "I saw him come out. I saw his nose peel back and his teeth come out."

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South Africa's freeze dried corpses
Independent Online | Submitted by: Alaska Freegold
"The new method, invented by Swedish biologist Susanne Wiigh-Masak, involves freeze drying bodies and then shattering them into powder with ultrasonic sound waves. With the new freeze-drying method, the body is frozen hundreds of degrees below freezing point in liquid nitrogen before it is hit by ultrasonic waves, shattering the body into a few kilograms of odourless powder."

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Museum mistakenly sells visitor human skull
WKMG-TV 6 Orlando | Submitted by: Rio
"Staff at the York Dungeon museum of horrors said Tuesday they are trying to trace a visitor who was accidentally sold a human skull in the museum shop, where the grisly item was used as a prop. Spence said the skull has been at the museum for as long as anyone can remember and no one is sure where it came from. York Dungeon owns another human skull that is believed to have come from a pit where victims of the medieval plague were buried."

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Suicide capital of the world
Mainichi Daily News | Submitted by: LucrezaBorgia
"Suicide has long been an honorable form of death in Japan. Lovers' suicide pacts are as old as the country itself. Ancient samurai would commit seppuku, or hara-kiri as it's more widely known, to atone for failures perceived or as an ultimate display of loyalty to their liege lords.During the war, the kamikaze fighter fighters who slammed their planes into enemy ships were one of only a series of suicide attackers hurled at the Allies, all of which are still widely and romantically regarded as heroic defenders of the nation. Since the war, desperate Japanese have made jumping from high buildings or in front of speeding trains almost an art form. Even now, more than 30,000 Japanese take their lives yearly."

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Pot factory offers guided tours
Canadian Press | Submitted by: Gorg
"There are many houses in British Columbia home to marijuana grow operations. Few of them offer media tours. But the people behind the Marijuana Factory, which officially opened Monday on a quiet suburban Vancouver street, say they are doing nothing wrong growing marijuana and processing it into potent pot pellets." No word if they have a gift shop or not.

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Bank robber may have shot self, then hit by van
South Florida Sun-Sentinel | Submitted by: LucrezaBorgia
"A bank robber may have shot himself as he put his gun away, then was struck by a van in a hit-and-run as he fled with his bag of cash, The man needed help getting out from under the van, then hopped into a getaway car with a woman driver and escaped, said FBI spokeswoman Judy Orihuela. No one else was injured."

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Kids beat man to brain death, police say
Milwaukee Journal Sentinel | Submitted by: info-milwaukee
"A mob of nearly 20 kids beat a man brain dead Sunday night after he confronted them for throwing an egg at him and punched one teen in the mouth, police said. Blood remains splattered Monday afternoon on the front porch of the duplex at 2021 N. 21st Lane, where Young was chased by a mob of youths and severely beaten with bats, shovels and boards, police said."

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Why you should NEVER become a DEA informant
US News and World Report | Submitted by: Paul Sanders
"Since Mena first testified, five members of his family have been murdered, execution style, and three more have been the targets of murder attempts. In 1994, according to court documents, Mena's uncle was shot 20 times by unknown assailants. A month later, his aunt was shot in the head while she walked near her home. And the following year, Mena's 77-year-old father was killed by five gunshots to the head." These are all innocents who were not involved in the drug trade. The DEA has turned a blind eye to requests to have them included in a protection program, contradicting earlier promises.

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Yuppie crashes new Harley in 10 seconds
Minneapolis Star Tribune | Submitted by: Bammer
"It was a mid-age crisis thing... I'd see these dudes with women and thought a motorcycle would put me in like Flynn. I didn't look at the obvious, that I hadn't been on a bike in 30 years and probably didn't remember much about it. It was so fast, and I didn't think fast enough. I probably panicked and throttled the gas in a death grip."

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The 82nd Airborne fucks things up royally
MSNBC | Submitted by: Son of Benway
"Then on Aug. 19, American commanders sent some 600 action hungry members of the Army’s 82d Airborne Division, Third Battalion, charging into Zormat and the Shahikot area. "Those guys were crazy," said one Special Forces NCO who was there. "We just couldn’t believe they were acting that way. Every time we turned around they were doing something stupid. We’d be like, 'HOLY SHIT look at that! Can you believe this!’" Another said: "They were acting like bin Laden was hiding behind every door."

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Russian gangster knocked up Miss Universe
Pravda | Submitted by: optional
"Tabloids have stirred up rumors about Oxana’s boyfriend. He is reportedly a dark-haired man involved in the construction business in St. Petersburg and very rich. His last name has definitely not been exposed, but everyone is certain that the beauty queen of the Universe got knocked up by that mysterious builder."

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Holy man looking fabulous, but still dead
New York Times | Submitted by: Son of Benway
"In Moscow, Vladislav L. Kozeltsev, an expert at the Center for Biomedical Technologies, the institute that keeps the body of Lenin, who died in 1924, in state on Red Square, said the salt in the coffin might have slowed the decay but could not alone explain the preservation of the lama's body... Hambo Lama Ayusheyev says the body was preserved because Itigilov achieved a heightened state of existence through meditation known as shunyata, or emptiness."

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Mom's body found packed in cat litter
WKMG-TV 6 Orlando | Submitted by: Rio
"A man was charged Monday with receiving stolen property and 16 counts of forgery after the decomposed body of his mother was found in her home. The charges, as well as one of abandoning a corpse, were filed against Max Weller, 46, of Lexington. Lafayette County prosecutors said the alleged scam dated back to as early as February 2001, the apparent time that Mildred Weller died. They said her body, covered with a tarp and packed with cat litter, lay in her home since then."

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Record companies settle price-fixing suit
USA Today | Submitted by: meatload
We can express nothing but shock, simply shock, that record companies would be out to cheat us: "The five largest music companies and three of the USA's largest music retailers agreed Monday to pay $67.4 million and distribute $75.7 million in CDs to public and non-profit groups to settle a lawsuit led by New York and Florida over alleged price fixing in the late 1990s." Thirty-nine other states joined suit, saying that "the industry kept consumer CD prices artificially high between 1995 and 2000." Is there really any doubt that P2P file-sharing is a symptom, not a cause, of the recording industry's problems?

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Kamping for Krispy Kreme
San Antonio Express-News | Submitted by: metaman
People who otherwise have busy, fullfilling lives take time to kamp out overnight for what has be the highlight of their life: the grand opening of a Krispy Kreme store. Even sadder, it made the front page.

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Insane lepidopterist at war with spiders
Wooster Daily Record | Submitted by: Son of Benway
"As she drives along the highways, Rochester said she watches for butterflies that may be on the pavement after being struck by vehicles. "If I see one," Rochester said, "I always pull over and go back to look at it. If it's too far gone, I'll euthanize it to put it out of its misery. If it's not too badly hurt, I'll take it along and try to nurse it back to health." In addition, Rochester said she is on a crusade against a variety of spiders that are a natural enemy of butterflies."

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Examining Whitey
Wire Services | Submitted by: Son of Benway
"This semester, Newman, who has taught in the college's Humanities and Human Sciences department for 35 years, began teaching the class "Wealthy White Males," which focuses on a group that scholars don't often study... 'It's a minority that doesn't view itself as a minority, and that will be one of the curious things we will examine,' she said."

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The perfect definition of DUH!
Oregon Live | Submitted by: Son of Benway
"A Gresham hunter, who was shot and killed by another hunter early Sunday, was wearing all black clothing and a black backpack and was mistaken for a bear, investigators said Monday... "I'll stick my neck out and say that if Mr. Shumway had been wearing orange blaze clothing, it might have saved his life," [Sheriff] Wampler said."

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Local cops fall for Onion story
Battle Creek Enquirer | Submitted by: f00f
"In the course of this investigation, it was learned that this is going on throughout the United States and some of these telemarketing programs are believed to be operated by Al-Qaeda. The CIA has announced that they acquired a videotape showing Al-Qaeda members making phone solicitations for vacation home rentals, long distance telephone service, magazine subscriptions and other products."

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Ads are good for kids, says think tank
Independent | Submitted by: Ann Onymous
Right wingers claim to be anti-drug, but this makes one wonder what some of their think tanks are smoking: "Items such as Spiderman cereal, Barbie dolls who work at McDonald's and battery operated sweets that spin in the mouth are contributing to a global epidemic of obesity, eating disorders and emotional problems, claims research in the medical journal The Lancet. But the Social Affairs Unit, an independent right wing think tank, argues in a pamphlet published today that learning to handle advertisements is part of a child's education."

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A New World Religion?
The New American | Submitted by: Crazy Quagga
This is from a nutball John Birch Society source: "The venerated [UN Earth] Charter is housed and transported in the Ark of Hope, a blasphemous mimicry of the biblical Ark of the Covenant, which held the two tablets containing the Ten Commandments that God gave to Moses. The Ark of Hope is actually designed to look like the Ark of the Covenant and its devotees carry it around with worshipful solemnity."

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Ozone layer smaller, cleaves in two
Detroit Free Press | Submitted by: Crazy Quagga
"The smaller size of this year's ozone hole is caused by unexpectedly large weather patterns in the stratosphere, the atmospheric layer roughly 6 miles to 30 miles above Earth's surface where the ozone layer is found."

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Unicorn guru returns for trial
Philadelphia Inquirer | Submitted by: Penfold
The murder case of "counterculture guru" (what makes someone a guru, by the way?) Ira Einhorn promises to be a doozy: a mummified girl found in a trunk, an ex-hippie living in a Windmill in France for 20 years, secret government plots for mind control, and much much more! Einhorn claims he was on the lam for more than 20 years because he didn't kill his girlfriend. See, the CIA or FBI did it because he knew about the government's plans for "psychotronic mind-control weaponry." Keep the VCR on standby for this one, kids.

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Australian censorship regime continues
Australian | Submitted by: Soylent
Australia is censoring what their people can read on the Internet, and attempts by the down-under version of EFF, EFA, to find out exactly what is being censored have been illegally declined. And now the government wants to set in law what they've been doing, so nobody will have any recourse to determine what Australia doesn't want their people to see.

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Human sacrifices unearthed near Lima
Wire Services | Submitted by: KidKero
Beach photos of serveral of the 200 fisherman sacrificed by the Chimu culture around 1350 AD.

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