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September 30, 2002

Court refuses relatives claim for warlord's skull
Gazeta | Submitted by: Kirill B.
"Recently a Moscow court rejected a rather unusual claim from a Dagestani resident. The man wanted the St. Petersburg Museum of Anthropology and Ethnography, also known as the Kunstkamera, to return the skull of his ancestor, famous Caucasian warlord Haji-Murat Gajiyev who fought the Russians together with the legendary Imam Shamil in the mid-19th century, and perished way back in 1852." REQUEST DENIED.

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Teenager dumps tit queen
Sun | Submitted by: Ann Onymous
Yes, the unthinkable has happened: a teenage dork has dumped a bottle blonde, silicone breasted model five years his senior. Now we know the world is coming to an end! "Matt has told friends that he was sick of Jordanís celebrity lifestyle and has gone back to his job at a tanning salon in Manchester."

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Judges should respect the ethnics
The Scotsman | Submitted by: anonymous
A poll revealed that "a quarter of Scots consider themselves racist, with nearly half believing 'Chinky' or 'Paki' were not racist terms when talking about food or shops... The judges' Bench Book, to be issued later this year, will contain lists of sexist and racist words to avoid, including 'colouredí (an offensive term that should never be used) and 'ethnics', which is deemed to be 'deeply offensive'".

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Private companies hoarding best WTC analyses
New York Times | Submitted by: Gno name
Companies involved in the insurance lawsuit for the owner of the WTC have spent millions of dollars on computer modelling, wind tunnels, and the best experts on building collapse; many more resources than FEMA had for their "we'll never really know" report. These hired guns DO know exactly why the towers fell, but they can't disclose the information to the gov't, structural engineers/architects of future buildings etc. because companies have sealed the information, perhaps indefinitely.

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Date-rape grenade may soon become a reality
Wired | Submitted by: meatload
The U.S. Joint Non-Lethal Weapons Directorate (JNLWD), established in 1997, is interested in developing a high-tech arsenal, which critics say contravenes U.S. and international law. Proposed weapons include microorganisms planted on buildings that 'tag' them for destruction by missiles, wide-angle lasers that cause enemies' eyes to glow, and mortar shells filled with roofies (aka the 'date-rape' drug rohypnol).

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Santanism on the Move in Russia
Pravda | Submitted by: anonymous
"Celibate Priest Anatoly Berestov believes that Satanism has a tendency for development nowadays. Celibate Priest Anatoly is a Doctor of Medical Sciences. He chairs a center for the rehabilitation of people who have suffered from totalitarian sects and occults... "As a doctor, and as a priest, I am certain that rock music is a straight road to drug addiction. Those people who organize those shows do not actually realize that. Probably, they don't realize this on purpose."

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John Walker Lindh not a sodomite
CNN | Submitted by: Mikya
The most useless piece of news, ever: "A Pakistani businessman denied Monday a report in Time magazine that implies he had a homosexual affair with John Walker Lindh, the American who joined the Taliban." Why did Time think this? Because of the Paki's poor command of English: "He was liking me very much. All the time he wants to be with me. I was loving him. Because love begets love, you know."

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Boy Scout park now overrun with sodomites
Washington Times | Submitted by: Crazy Quagga
"Forty years ago, families, church groups and Boy Scout troops would gather and play at Conway Robinson State Forest in Prince William County, now notorious for homosexual trysts... 'We used to go down there and cook hamburgers and hot dogs, having a good old time. It's gorgeous back there. Now I don't even want to go back there. They completely ruined it."

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The would-be executioner's song
BBC | Submitted by: Ann Onymous
"Rudolph Giuliani, the former mayor of New York, says he asked US President George W Bush if he could personally execute Osama Bin Laden. In a new book entitled Leadership, Mr Giuliani says he made the request three days after the 11 September 2001 attacks.... I told [Bush], "If you catch this guy Bin Laden, I would like to be the one to execute him"... I am sure he thought I was just being rhetorical, but I was serious."

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Jailtime for not drugging your kids
Independent | Submitted by: f00f
"The Bill is so punitive it dispenses with all civil and human rights. Parents who have reservations about pumping their children full of drugs to control them would be classed as denying their children treatment," he said. "It's only a matter of time before parents find themselves in breach of such orders which are fully backed by the courts."

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Attempt to kill lice ends with burnt head
WISC-TV 3 Madison | Submitted by: The Great American Pickle
"A man is listed in critical condition after trying to kill his head lice Saturday night. The 26-year-old doused a towel with rubbing alcohol, put it on his head and then lit a cigarette, police said. The towel caught fire and engulfed the man. He suffered burns on about 50 percent of his body, police said."

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God made me beat these children
Globe and Mail | Submitted by: Ann Onymous
"Lucille Poulin says there was a divine hand on the rod when the children of her religious commune were beaten. Ms. Poulin, a former nun, is charged with assaulting five children at the commune near Summerside, PEI, by repeatedly beating them with a heavy wooden paddle. Ms. Poulin, 78, took the stand in her own defence on Monday, telling the court she was personally directed by God to hit the children in order to correct their behaviour and save them from going to Hell."

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Cat shot through eye with horse dart
WKMG-TV 6 Orlando | Submitted by: Rio
"A stray cat was shot with a tranquilizer dart recently and then left to roam a Kansas City neighborhood. Several X-rays show the damage. A dart, meant for large horses, should have killed the cat instantly. "I want them to see these gruesome pictures, see what exactly happened, and to encourage us to do something about it as a community."

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The People vs. Mickey Mouse
Business Week | Submitted by: Soylent
"Opponents of the law have taken to calling the CTEA, the "Mickey Mouse Preservation Act." Without the 20-year extension, Steamboat Willie would have passed into the public domain in 2003. What galls Lessig most about Disney is what he perceives to be its hypocrisy. After all, Disney built its empire by retelling other people's stories. The Little Mermaid was written by Hans Christian Andersen. Cinderella and Snow White are fairy tales by the Brothers Grimm."

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