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  March 14, 2000  
Former A's Manager Charged with Wanking

Stay off my front lawn, buddy
Former A's manager Dick Williams was charged January 17 with wanking outside his hotel room in Ft. Meyers, FL. Williams admits being naked in the great outdoors but denies the masturbation aspects of his arrest, although he did plea no contest to the charges. Williams also feels that this may have cost him his chance to enter the Baseball Hall of Fame. Wanker.
(Associated Press)

  March 14, 2000  
Date Rape Site Deactivated

A website that offered how-to information on date rape, and sold a Date Rape Kit was shut down by its provider, MyInternet, yesterday. Included in the kit was "Shut-the-Hell-Up-Bitch Duct Tape", and cookbooks of how to mix various daterape drugs with food and cocktails. The people responsible for getting it shut down: wiley feminists, and we quote, the site "goes beyond the limits of free speech".

  March 14, 2000  
Brainfisting Hillary

  March 13, 2000  
Will Suck Cock for Insider Stock Tips

The former CEO of an investment banking firm, James McDermott, has been charged with giving insider stock tips to porno actress Kathryn Gannon. Late last week, federal prosecutors asked that the jury be made aware of Gannon's career, but attorneys for the defendant argue that awareness by the jury of said defendant's onscreen cocksucking prowess (under the moniker "Marylin Star") may be prejudicial. Diligent research by the rotten.com staff has yielded that not only is Gannon a porn actress, but she is also an inflatable doll ($69.95 plus $6.95 shipping and handling.) We can only ask that the doll be introduced as evidence and assigned a ticker symbol. The Marylin Star Doll

"She's got a fabulous life-like face, luscious squeezable firm breasts, three love passages for your every fantasy and vibrates with sexual excitement. She comes dressed in a red-hot bodice and stockings that are easily removed for your pumping pleasure." (marketing blurb)

I could sure use a love doll.


  March 13, 2000  
Repent Catholic Church

Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with Thee. Blessed art Thou among women and blessed is the Fruit of the womb, Jesus. Holy Mary Mother of God pray for us sinners now and at the hour of our death. Etc.
Yesterday the Pope asked the world to forgive the sins of Catholics, in a papal Day of Pardon. Said the Pope, "Even men of the church, in the name of faith and morals, have sometimes used methods not in keeping with the Gospel". No shit. Some of the sins of the Catholic Church include but are not limited to:
  • Condemning all Jews to hell in 1205 AD
  • Granting indulgences to commit sin
  • Worship and deification of saints
  • The Crusades
  • The Inquisition
  • Extinguishing the Aztec culture
  • Signing the Lateran Treaty with Benito Mussolini
  • Collaboration with the Nazi government, and assisting with the escape of former Nazis after WWII
  • Fostering the rampant spread of AIDS in Africa
  • Graft, embezzlement, gluttony, and rampant greed
  • Sodomy of countless altarboys

Not very many organizations have this much blood on their hands. Now that we think about it, RICO charges may be in order. Did I mention altarboys?

  March 12, 2000  
Trouble at Pooh Corner

  March 11, 2000  
New Sex Position - The Video

January's fuck of the Month, shown at right, has been discovered to be a still capture from a video! We have obtained a copy of this video (in MPEG format) and present it to you here.

download sexposition.mpg (640k)

Enjoy, sirs.
I've never tried it this way.

(Submitted by Jay M.)

  March 11, 2000  
Danish Royal Guards In Really Deep Shit

Danish guards responsible for guarding Denmark's queen, Margrethe, have been engaging in sex romps, according to a report by the National Examiner this week. This photograph was used as evidence to dismiss the three palace sentries shown, apparently. Another photo shows a guard receiving a blowjob, which we haven't seen. Oh my.

  March 10, 2000  
India Candidacy Requires Toilet

Candidates for regional councils in India, known as panchayats, are now required to have toilet facilities in their homes, the State Election Commission of India said last Monday. Apparently the law requiring such was passed in 1993, but political delays in the enforcement have meant no disqualification for candidates up till now. What is not clear is why such candidates do not have or want a potty in their homes.
(Times of India)

  March 10, 2000  
Rotten News Roundup

  • A mass outbreak of diarrhea at two Jamaican prisons has affected 1100 inmates. According to a wire report, "angry prisoners on Monday dumped scores of paper bags loaded with feces in passageways to the cell blocks in protest." The cabbage is blamed.
  • Academy Awards authorities want the Southpark song, "Blame Canada", nominated for best song, to be censored of its filthy lyrics.
  • "Dr. Richard MacLachlan, head of family medicine at Dalhousie University in Halifax, testified there is no medical reason for a doctor to assist a patient in masturbation." Oh yeah?
  • According to a study in this months Neuropsychologia, sheep apparently can recognize other faces. What we want to know, which are the purty sheep.
(News Roundup appears whenever the staff gets lazy)

  March 9, 2000  
Coolio Charged by Feds for Rottenizing Website

A 17 year old boy in New Hampshire, known on the Internet as "Coolio", has been charged by the feds with two counts of unauthorized access to computer systems, for defacing the dare.com website with images he obtained from rotten.com. The juvenile, Dennis Moran, high school dropout, has been charged as an adult and is potentially facing two 15 year sentences for his defacement of the site.

31337 HAX0R
This "Coolio" character has recently been focus of attention by the media because of the highly publicized attacks on eBay, Yahoo, CNN, and other Big Media websites that were hit by distributed denial of service attacks (DDOS) in February. The fact he had nothing to do with these attacks seemed to make little difference in the coverage.
The pro drug images Moran chose to place on the website were those of Donald Duck shooting up with a hypodermic needle, and a laboratory rat baked off his ass. The defacements contained prominent links to rotten.com, which greatly amused the Rotten Staff at the time.

  March 9, 2000  
Beaver College Considers Change

Beaver College, a former girls school founded in 1853, is considering a name change because people have the audacity to make fun of the name. The Pennsylvania college, with enrollment of 2800, discovered to its amazment in a survey that about 30% of prospective students dismiss the school as a choice based on name alone.

Beaver, of course, is slang for part of the female anatomy, namely, a woman's pink taco. The sooner the esteemed school chooses a better name, like Snatch University, or Tuna A&M, the better off we all are.

(Philadelphia Inquirer)

  March 9, 2000  
Shaved Pussy

  March 8, 2000  
Vegetarian Antichrist Among Us

Cardinal Giacomo Biffi, Archbishop of Bologna, stated on the 5th that the Antichrist was walking on this earth, a vegetarian even, spewing philisophical ideas of environmental and human rights. This has the good Cardinal worried, since it's somehow undermining Catholicism, which is an Inquisition- and Indulgence- based branch of Christianity. We should mention that Biffi is one of the leading candidates for the Pope's see, once the current one dies. He should perhaps have his head examined.

Not a vegetarian
-- sorry --
(The Times - UK)

  March 8, 2000  
Firearm Removed From Lady's Rectum

A woman in Bogota, Colombia, smuggled a gun into the city's Picota Prison via her rectum, but was detected by guards before it could be "delivered". Furthermore the gun became lodged in her colon, requiring emergency surgery to remove. The woman, one Tirisa Ruiz, age 43, is recovering nicely and has been both charged and ridiculed for her crime.

  March 8, 2000  
Bulletin - Lolo Ferrari Dead at 30

Porn stuperstar Lolo Ferrari is dead! At age 30, in the French Riviera, her exact cause of death (natural causes apparently) has not been released. Lolo is a French pioneer of plastic macromammary surgery, having achieved a bustline of 71 inches, a well known porn star and cocksucker. She is a resident of Cannes, her recent venture into music (with single "Air Bag Generator") created somewhat of a nonsensation. Lolo is dead. Long Live Lolo.

  March 8, 2000  
Superman Responsible For Mitnick Release?

Now that Mitnick is out (don't tell his parole officer he's learning Javascript), we can safely show you Superman's role in the release of this dangerous hacker criminal. Looks a bit of a tard, this Superman is probably from the West Virginia branch of the family.

  March 7, 2000  
Barney Caught in Raunchy Sex Tryst

One of our readers with a penchant for private investigation has sent us these terrible terrible pictures, photos that must not fall into the hands of children lest they become disillusioned with modern product marketing and image. Ye gads.

#1   #2   #3   #4  

Say it ain't so!

  March 7, 2000  
Beauty and the DUI

Beauty contest winner Bethany Tosh, the current Miss Northeast Arkansas, was thrown in jail last December for DUI several hours after giving a talk at the local Rotary Club on the subject. Her blood alcohol level was 0.13, quite wasted! Now the good miss has been convicted, and had to give up her much coveted Northeast Arkansas crown.

(Arkansas Democrat-Gazette)

  March 7, 2000  
Irish Wake

Photo courtesy Irish Board of Tourism

  March 7, 2000  
World Too Full of Fat Fucks

A study by the Worldwatch Institute in Washington DC reveals that the number of fatasses in the world has risen to 1.2 billion. And in the United States alone, 55% of all adults contain too much goddamned lard, as well as 20% of children. There are still tons of underfed people around, another 1.2 billion to be precise, so please -- stop eating their food.

  March 7, 2000  
Dailyrotten Archives Now Usable

After numerous complaints about download speed on slow-ass modems, we've split the archives into pieces. After we have enough of them, we'll make it searchable.

Dailyrotten is getting about 30,000 uniques/day. Thanks people! We're counting on you to spraypaint the URL in every major city.

Also "Mike" and "Asylum50" have sent us these nice buttons, feel free to use them. Sometimes a banner is just too overpowering for a linkpage.

Feedback and etc to: deepthroat@rotten.com...

  March 6, 2000  
Penis Stapling Update!

Last month we reported in the New Zealand television show that had a man staple his penis and scrotum to a pine crucifix and set it afire. Well, one of our alert readers has sent us images from this hallowed event! Men, gird your loins, and feel His pain...

#1   #2   #3   #4   #5  

Okay, that's enough. (Shudder)

  March 6, 2000  
Dog Eats Man

  March 6, 2000  
Man Eats Dog

  March 6, 2000  
George W. Bush a Total Ignoramus

So it turns out that presidential candidate George W. Bush is totally ignorant of things he certainly should know. Like, who is Prime Minister of Canada. Now, it is not necessarily expected that you, as a private citizen, should know who that is. But a Canadian show, This Hour Has 22 Minutes (they name their shows funny up there), asked Bush in Michigan about Prime Minister Jean Poutine's endorsement of him. For the record, that's not the Prime Minister at all, it's a popular french fry and cheese curd dish (they eat funny up there too.) A presidential candidate should probably know who the Prime Minister of our #1 trading partner is.

Dim Bulb.
(Canadian Broadcasting Corporation)

Another G.W. Bush quote we found, illuminating his great intellect:

"What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However, they delineate, quotas, I think vulcanise society. So I don't know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that's my position".

Quayle has found his match. Daddy, I wanna be president too!

(The Economist)

  March 5, 2000  
Pigs Get Revenge on Pigfuckers

This pig has had enough of barnyard antics and now the tables are turned. You need to be able to play MPEG's to look at it.

download pigrape.mpg (530k)

Animal lovers should avoid.

not from video
but a pig who knows how to party

  March 5, 2000  
Shopper Had Knife in Neck

A woman in Colwyn, near Philadelphia Pennsylvania, was the victim of a March 3rd street knife attack and continued her shopping with a kitchen knife protruding from the back of her neck. The woman, 62, was unaware of the situation until it was pointed out by her daughter. Video surveillance tapes in the store clearly show the knife in the woman, who has since been hospitalized in serious condition.

(Philadelphia Inquirer)

  March 5, 2000  
Students Expect Ass

This was on the front page of the Marist College school paper.
Marist is a fine Catholic school..

(Submitted by Gambit32)

  March 4, 2000  
Rotten in April Playboy

April 2000 Playboy Magazine
on Page 22

  March 4, 2000  
Stile Hangs Self ...?

This was on stile's webcam today!

  March 3, 2000  
Shitty Art Exhibit Alarms SF

Jonathan Yegge, student at the San Francisco Art Institute, exhibited a bit of performace art as a school project. Even in San Francisco, it is raising eyebrows. A volunteer was snarfed from one of his classes, who signed a waiver/consent form, and then engaged in a public display that perhaps seemed okay at the time:
"He was tied up. He had a blindfold and a gag, but he could see and talk through it. He had freedom of movement of his pelvis. [...] I engaged in oral sex with him and he engaged in oral sex with me. I had given him an enema, and I had taken a shit and stuffed it in his ass. That goes on, he shits all over me, I shit in him. There was a security guard present. There was an instructor from the school present. It was videoed, and the piece was over."
And now they're calling this bad art! Oh, the nerve of those critics.
(SF Weekly)

  March 3, 2000  
Jap Student Suicides In Class

Yohei Ajimi, 13 year old Japanese schoolboy in Kyoto, suicided in front of his classmates by leaping from a 2nd story window. His last words were "I am going to die", and then he splatted 8.5 meters below. Quite a few young students suicide in Japan, from shame or whatnot, but usually not while in class. In all, almost 33,000 people engaged in the Japanese National Pasttime last year.

  March 2, 2000  
Six Men Arrested After Peeing on Cop Car

Six men were arrested in Key West, Florida after they were caught pissing in an officer's patrol car. All six men were bareass naked and creating quite the ruckus when Pablo Rodriguez, on duty at some nightclub (!), was informed of said ruckus, involving his duty vehicle. The motive was apparently a "Japanese website", and all men were booked for criminal mischief and disorderly conduct.

(Miami Herald)

  March 2, 2000  
He Choked Linda Lovelace

I'm sure he's a wondeful guy if you get to know him.

  March 1, 2000  
200,000 Web Porn Addicts Can't All Be Wrong

A study at Stanford and Duquesne Universities claims that 200,000 individuals in the U.S. are addicted to web pornography. They defined "addicted" as being 11 or more hours per week involved looking at dirty websites, being in filthy chatrooms, etc etc. One must question their sampling technique -- surveys were taken at MSNBC (yuck), and figures were pulled out of their asses to extrapolate the numbers of so-called "cybersex compulsives" to a national level. As for the Rotten Staff? 99th percentile, baby.
(Associated Press)

  March 1, 2000  
Lewinsky Still Fat

Lewinsky: I sure have
a pretty mouth
Details of the agreement between Weight Watchers and presidential cocksucker Monica Lewinsky have been leaked in USA Today. Lewinsky was paid $225K, plus $100K if she lost 20 pounds by September 1 1999, and an additional $200K upon the loss of 20 more pounds. That comes to $7500 per pound, people. Theoretically she could receive nearly $1M if target weight is maintained through June 15. Now assuming a blowjob burns 360 calories per hour, ... [editor drifts off pondering this calculation]

  March 1, 2000  
Nice Tits, Lady


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