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  January 31, 2000  
Gay With God

Four times as many Roman Catholic priests die of AIDS than in the general population, according to a study reported by the Kansas City Star. Furthermore, 20% of priests reported they like dick, although a fourth of those who like dick also reported liking vagina. What the study failed to report on was how much priests like altar boys (answer: oh very much so), and how celibate priests in general are (answer: not at all, apparently.) Does the Pope masturbate or does an assistant do it for him, a Papal Fluffer of sorts? Even during Lent? Amen.
(Kansas City Star)

  January 31, 2000  
After the Bomb Went Off

  January 30, 2000  
Sword Attacker Wounds MP

A member of the UK Parliament, Nigel Jones, is now out of the hospital after a sword wielding attacker injured his hands, severing a tendon and requiring 60 stitches. An associate, Andrew Pennington, was killed during the attack on St. George Street, in Cheltenaham. The attacker, one Robert Ashman also of Cheltenham, age 49, is currently in custody on murder charges. While this is all big news in the UK, nobody in the US has even heard of the attack. [We must wonder if gun control advocates are upset that no firearm was used in the incident.]

(BBC)

  January 29, 2000  
Get Thee To a Nunnery

  January 29, 2000  
Lipo as a Second Language

A pair of Colombians, sisters aged 15 and 21, died under dual Liposuction surgery last Wednesday, in Neiva Colombia. The sisters received the surgery as a gift from their father, which they had elected in lieu of travel to the United States to learn English. So are slightly less chunky thighs worth the risk of death? Damn straight! But don't do it in Colombia.

(Originally reported by Reuters)

  January 28, 2000  
Hello Kitty Violence Continues

At a Hello Kitty product introduction in Bukit Panjang, and two other cities across Malaysia yesterday, three men were arrested for rioting, an additional three for disorderly conduct, a policeman was injured from flying furniture, and another person was hospitalized. Hello Kitty is a cartoon character owned by Sanrio Limited, a Japanese corporation, that legions of people somehow find amusing. The product openings in Malaysia where rioting occurred were held at participating McDonald's Hamburger franchises, which have been scenes of violence earlier as well in Hong Kong. Oh the humanity.
(New Straits Times - Malaysia)

  January 28, 2000  
Man Flings Intestines At Police

The following came on the AP newswire:

PONTIAC MI (AP) -- A man desperate not to go to jail, broke his handcuffs and used them as a knife to cut a hole in his stomach. Then, he sprayed his own blood and tried to throw his internal organs at police and rescue workers.

This is perhaps the most extreme reaction to being arrested that we have ever encountered. It is reproduced verbatim, simply because we have trouble believing it. The man was only wanted on a warrant, and seven men were required to subdue him. But he has a history apparently, he tried to kill himself with a plastic spoon the last time he was arrested.

  January 27, 2000  
Rabbit Destroyed in Tragedy

People are always telling us we don't have enough video online. Here is a MPEG of a rabbit being destroyed at a European racetrack.

download haresplat.mpg (205k)

Good snuff.

  January 27, 2000  
Suicide by Firecracker

Jannie Beukes, of Rustenberg South Africa, after killing his four year old son and ten year old daughter, attempted suicide by placing a powerful firecracker (likely M80 or M100) in his mouth. A fine plan, but the explosive was not powerful enough; Jannie has a destroyed face and is now charged with breaking his two children's necks. Additionally, such damage is not covered by most dental plans.

(Originally reported by Reuters, The Citizen)

  January 27, 2000  
Smoking is Nasty

  January 27, 2000  
Cop Offs Self in Casino

An unidentified and desperate man blew his fucking brains out at the MotorCity Casino in Detroit, Michigan late last night. A witness stated that the man had been agitated, was playing double $500 hands at the blackjack table, but losing bigtime. The casino stayed open during and after the incident, which in itself is quite an accomplishment. Bottom line, after all.

Update: The man has been identified as Oak Park Police Sergeant Solomon Bell, age 38. Bell used his department issue pistol to shoot himself after holding on 20; the dealer had 21.

(Detroit Free Press)

  January 26, 2000  
Rape of Nanking Denied

Nutball groups at a conference on January 23 in Osaka, Japan have denied one of the largest massacres of the 20th century, the so called Rape of Nanking. Estimates are that 140,000 to 300,000 civilians in the city were killed by Japanese occupiers during 1937-8, and that 20,000 women were raped. China has condemned the conference and stated that relations may be impacted if trends in such contrarian beliefs continue. About 500 people protested the conference.

  January 26, 2000  
What in God's Name Is Going On Here

  January 26, 2000  
One Month of Dailyrotten

A full month of dailyrotten.com has gone by! People said it couldn't be done -- the staff is by nature incredibly lazy -- but there has been a full month of this tripe we call "news", that presumably some of you all find amusing. Over 20,000 people tune into this each day, though no word on how many actually like it.
  • About viewer submissions:
    If you think you see something that belongs here, feel free to submit it in email to the address at the bottom of this page.
  • About linking to this page:
    No need to ask permission. Spread the gospel, child.
  • About complaints:
    Whatever.
Thank you and godspeed.

  January 25, 2000  
Boners to be Criminalized

A bill has been introduced in Mississippi to criminalize the possession of aroused male genitalia. Yes, this means you can't accidently get a boner in public without facing one year in jail and a $2000 fine. Mind you, this is not nude genitalia, but covered genitalia, "discernably turgid", the fully tumescent yet discreet penis, as it were. [We are astonished that such a thing could happen even in a backwater like Mississippi. I suppose, that being 50th out of 50 in every category except mobile home parks, a state must constantly remain on the vigil or lose its place. Kudos to Republican State Senator Tom King! -- Editor.]

  January 25, 2000  
Passenger Missing Parts

An automobile stopped in Fort Payne, Alabama after a hit-and-run accident contained a female passenger strapped in her seat, missing her eyes, heart, and one hand and leg. The driver, Hayward Bissell, was charged with the hit-and-run but charges have yet to be filed regarding the corpse passenger. It is not clear how the woman -- Patricia Ann Booher, age 25 -- died, or why her eyes were gouged out. At least she was wearing her seat belt.

(Originally reported by Associated Press)

  January 24, 2000  
Eek! Rape!

Best tattoo ever!
We are out of town for a day, meanwhile enjoy this.

  January 23, 2000  
Crocodile Testicles Tragically Lost

A marauding group of whores from Mbita, Kenya attempted to steal crocodile genitals from a croc killed in nearby Lake Victoria. The whores, who somehow see such reptilian balls as aphrodisiac, watched in horror as government game officials sank the dead animal in the lake, including its two testicular trophies. Primitive peoples are often unaware that these aphrodisiacs have little effect, and what is in fact needed are better looking hookers.

(Originally reported by Reuters, Kenya Times)

  January 22, 2000  
Taiwan Nazis at it again

Mere months after a Taiwanese heating company received global criticism with regards to its Hitler advertising campaign (see archive), a Taiwanese restaurant has come under fire by special interest groups for its Nazi theme, which includes artifacts, death camp photos, a gas chamber toilet, and numerous other attention to detail that creates a fine dining environment. What is not explained is how patrons are expected to maintain their appetite in the face of emaciated Jewry.
(The Independent)

  January 22, 2000  
Six Breasts Perhaps Too Much

  January 21, 2000  
Our Vice President was a Pothead

Vice President Al Gore was a pothead for years, ending only in 1976, according to a biography by Bill Turque featuring eyewitness interviews. "We smoked more than once, more than a few times, we smoked a lot. We smoked in his car, in his house, we smoked in his parents' house, in my house; we smoked on weekends. We smoked a lot", Gore friend John C. Warnecke is quoted in an interview with Adam J. Smith. [Editor's note: This information is only interesting in light of the hypocrisy of the drug war, which Gore supports. Gore is an all around ass, an intellectual lightweight, and certainly not anyone that should be President. Plus he married Tipper.]
(DRCnet)

  January 21, 2000  
This Man Has Issues

  January 21, 2000  
Drinking Straw Payphone Exploit

Drinking straws can be used to make free international telephone calls in 29,000 payphones in Australia, it has been discovered. The phones, owned by Telstra, were installed starting in 1997 and have cost the company millions of dollars in fraud thus far. Michael Herskope, spokesman for Telstra, stated that there was no fault in the phone, but also that the fault would be "closed off very shortly". Ah, the triumphs of low technology. [This is published as a service to our Australian readers, in the event they want to explore this telecommunications feature. In the interests of science, of course.]
(AAP Australia)

  January 20, 2000  
Frogs Upset over Slur

A remark made by an ITN sports commentator in the UK during the Rugby World Cup has been ruled racist by the Independent Television Commission. The commentator referred to a French player as a "stroppy little frog", generating fourteen complaints from viewers. The term "frog" is a slur referring to the smelly French people, and generally is considered unacceptable in polite broadcast. It was not immediately clear how the term racist applies to slurs on the French, who are actually a nationality.

(From the BBC)

  January 20, 2000  
Futurama Redux

So many people liked the earlier Futurama porn that we found, here is another one someone sent us. So it's not animated; blow me. The other one is in the archive, and no, we don't need any more.

(Submitted by Urethra Franklin)

  January 19, 2000  
Ford Attacks Deemed Hate Crime

Paul Alvarado, manager of the Rountree-Moore auto dealership in Lake City FL, is calling the January 15 acid attack on 36 automobiles a hate crime, because Fords were targetted. Approximately $75,000 in damages are reported. The labelling of this act as a hate crime seems particularly ironic in that Henry Ford was a notorious anti-semite and supported the Nazi regime.

  January 19, 2000  
Gwyn, is that you?

Pink meat never looked so unappetizing.

(Submitted by blockd)

  January 19, 2000  
American Pie

Several people have sent us this today. We don't know what paper it is from, or even if it's real. Nevertheless, pie sodomy is a serious issue and in the interests of public health, please be careful.

  January 18, 2000  
New Gang Bang Record Set

Presumably in a misguided attempt to celebrate the millenium, porn actress Sabrina Johnson engaged in a marathon gangbang session in which she was fucked consecutively by 2,000 horny gentlemen. The session, which apparently occurred December 29-30, was taped by Fleshtone Productions for the film Gangbang of the Millenium, which no doubt will be the pinnacle of its genre [Editor's note: yawn.] Unthinkably, Guinness refuses to recognize this category of artistic achivement as a legitimate record. Sabrina is described as "resting" currently.
(Adult Video News trade magazine)

  January 18, 2000  
Physician, Soil Thyself

"Because XENICAL works by blocking the absorption of dietary fat, it is likely that you will experience some changes in bowel habits. These generally occur during the first weeks of treatment; however, they may continue throughout your use of XENICAL. These changes may include oily spotting, gas with discharge, urgent need to go to the bathroom, oily or fatty stools, an oily discharge, increased number of bowel movements, and inability to control bowel movements. Due to the presence of undigested fat, the oil seen in a bowel movement may be clear or have a coloration such as orange or brown."

(Promotional materials from Roche Laboratories)

  January 18, 2000  
Tabloid: Vampire War Criminals in Kosovo

The esteemed tabloid Weekly World News is reporting that vampire war criminals in the former Yugoslavia may be responsible for the deaths of more than 240 people. Apparently, vampires are Serbs, and prey on refugee Albanians fleeing ethnically cleansed areas. Furthermore, they predicate that NATO has captured six of these "bloodsucking fiends", including one claiming an age of 600 years. [Editor's note: Certain members of our staff suspect WWN just made this stuff up. At least we have some modicium of journalistic integrity.]

  January 17, 2000  
White House, CIA viewing Rotten.com

It has been revealed from logfile analysis that numerous important U.S. Government agencies, including the White House, the Central Intelligence Agency, U.S. Senate, U.S. Treasury, Library of Congress, Social Security Administration, etc. are avid viewers of the subversive rotten.com website. It's okay, we know this is all work related, you federal employees will not get in trouble! A more complete list of acronymic agency soup garnered from our logs: DOH, NIH, USPS, FAA, FCC, FDIC, USPTO, NASA, SSA, NRC, USDA, USDOT, OSHA, HUD, FDA, etc, etc, etc. This does not even begin to include all the fine U.S. Military, Canadian, Australian, UK, Turkish, Latvian, etc. etc. etc. government agencies we have seen in our logs. All work related, of course. Your tax dollars at work!

  January 17, 2000  
Comet Not Human Excrement

Ice balls that fell on Spain last week, which were thought to be human excrement, are likely comet debris, according to Spanish scientist Enrique Martinez. One of the balls, a nine pounder, damaged an automobile. It was not immediately known how top Spanish scientists failed to differentiate between poo and ice.

(Originally reported by Associated Press)

  January 16, 2000  
Pig Impalements Plague Liverpool

In September twenty-one pig heads were found impaled along the road to Liverpool, UK. Nobody has claimed responsibility for the placing of the heads, and police are baffled. Pigheads of this type are often sold for use in sausage packing, and are not generally traceable.

(Bizarre)

  January 15, 2000  
Outhouse Video Peep Perp

Robert Thomas Cobabe was arrested on January 5 for standing in Horsetooth Mountain Park, Colorado outhouse and videotaping women as they peed on him. A woman spotted the red light from his videocamera, and Cobabe initially escaped while wearing waders and other waterproof garb. He left his fingerprints behind however, and was caught later when applying for a state teaching license. Cobabe has been charged with third degree sexual assault.
(The Denver Post)

  January 15, 2000  
Oh Hello!

   

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