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  February 29, 2000  
St. Tibb's Day All But Forgotten

Today marks the occasional celebration of St. Tibb's Day, which appears on the Discordian Calendar between 59 Chaos and 60 Chaos, or February 29, Gregorian. According to Robert Anton Wilson, "everybody now agrees that St. Tibb never existed." We cannot see how he can jump to such a conclusion. Clearly the 16th century copperplate engraving here strengthens our case. (Not making any of this up.)

  February 29, 2000  
Under The Milky Way


Yes, it's been a slow news week.

  February 29, 2000  
German Cocks Not So Glorious

From: M. Lance Tavana
Subject: Re: German Cocks
Date: Mon, 28 Feb 2000 12:55:18 -0800

Your report on the Daily Rotten that "A study has reported that German condoms are not large enough for glorious German cocks" is incorrect. In fact, it was found that the condoms were too big for german cocks, as given by the Reuters press release [...]

We stand corrected, the German Volk are indeed smaller in the manhood department than we previously reported. We issue a retraction.

Details: Condomi produced the study, demonstrating that EN600 (EU document produced by physicians, in 1996), issued regulations for thick penii, whereas those in the Fatherland are 3.5-4mm narrower. It is thus a matter of thin wieners. (Focus Magazine).

  February 28, 2000  
President: Don't Cross The Beams

  February 28, 2000  
Rotten News Roundup

A group of monkeys in northern Kenya's Wajir district stoned a farmer to death last week, to get to his water.
An image of Christ has appeared on a Church wall in East Yorkshire, UK. Yeah, whatever. It's just dirt.
A study has reported that German condoms are not large enough for glorious German cocks.
In Thailand last Friday, a teacher asked a number of schoolgirls to walk blindfolded into a pond. It's not clear why. But six of them drowned.
Carlos Santana told Rolling Stone that he was sexually molested as a child.
Mad Cow disease has appeared in Denmark!

  February 25, 2000  
Jolly Green Giant

  February 24, 2000  
Tanya Harding in Hubcap Assault


Tanya Harding
Big Crybaby Skater
Champion of White Trash
It seems former Olympic skater Tanya Harding has gotten herself in trouble again. While drunk, she hit her boyfriend, Darren Silver, in the face with a metal hubcap yesterday. The blow drew blood; in the words of a witness, "She started beating the shit out of him". The hubcap was damaged during the attack, receiving a good sized dent. It is expected to recover. Tanya Harding is famous for her involvement in the Detroit attack by her husband on one of her opponents, Nancy Kerrigan, in 1994, wherein she was stripped of her U.S. title.

  February 24, 2000  
Stretchy

This is an amazing video of an Indian Fakir. Do not try this at home, seriously. You need to be able to play MPEG's to look at it.

download stretchy.mpg (1.3M)

Some men may feel discomfort upon viewing!

  February 24, 2000  
Minneapolis Responds

From: [...]@aol.com
Date: Wed, 23 Feb 2000 19:16:58 EST

I take issue and demand a correction on your supposed prostitution people of Minneapolis. The web site you link to is actually St. Paul. In minneapolis, we have beautiful streetwalkers, pimps, and Johns.

The two cities are also not one in the same or twins as the name twin cities imply, in minneapolis, we have a stupid black lady as mayor, in St. paul they have a carpet bagging Kennedy wannabe from Boston named Norm "sucks" Coleman. We minneapolites do not want to be associated with St Pauleans. Besides they are a bunch of drunken irish men.

Jason

We receive a lot of hate mail for anything we post, whether it be dead cats, ugly penises, or maligning some backwater country or state. Oops!

  February 23, 2000  
Sex In Space

Sex has been tried in space, both on the American space shuttle and Soviet missions, according to a press report in the UK. Pierre Kohler, astronomer and historian, claims that documents in his possession, including "NASA document number 12-571-3570", demonstrate a gauntlet of ten tests of sexual positions and variations, performed inside an inflatable tunnel for privacy. [Was it a ribbed tunnel, for her pleasure?]

Kohler also claims that female British astronaut Helen Sharman fucked four cosmonauts in 1991 aboard the Mir space station, and that cosmonaut Svetlana Savitskaia sex'd several cosmonauts on the Salyut-7 station in 1982. They got the U.S. beat there, unless John Glenn wanked or something on his mission.

(Daily Star - UK)

  February 23, 2000  
Cat Killing Cop Forced to Resign

Robert Boardman, police officer in Paris, KY, was forced to resign after a photo of him was sent to his boss and other officials. The photo depicts Boardman, in uniform, "thumbs up" in front of four dead cats which he just shot. No laws were broken, except that of proper taste.
(APB News)

  February 23, 2000  
We Go To All The Wrong Parties


Malt liquor!

  February 22, 2000  
Physician Drank Boy Urine

Dr. Bruce O'Dell, a dermatologist in Show Low, AZ, has been charged with drinking the urine of a number of his teenage boy patients. According to papers filed with the court, it appears the good doctor would convince his various boy patients that vitamins in their urine would keep him healthy, and youthful. O'Dell may have engaged in other unsavory activities with them as well, and his license to practice medicine may be revoked. [For the record, urine contains no vitamins of any note, and is entirely too salty for our tastes.]
(Arizona Republic, submitted by Denise McIntosh)

  February 22, 2000  
Minneapolis Full of Ass Ugly People

It turns out that the town of Minneapolis/St. Paul, Minnesota is chock full of ugly hookers, and ugly johns partronizing said hookers. Their police department has seen to it that prostitution arrests are posted to the web. We're taking this city off our "must visit" list of scenic sites, posthaste.

  February 22, 2000  
rotten.com looking for NNTP newsfeed

If you run a news server and can provide a Usenet NNTP feed to rotten.com, including binaries, please let us know. Our current news providers are only somewhat reliable, and we would like to supplement this with redundant links, if at all possible. (So in actuality this would be somewhat less than a full feed's worth of traffic, because of the redundancy). And in return you would receive our eternal gratitude and thanks.

  February 21, 2000  
Vee for Victory


Happy President's Day

  February 20, 2000  
Tabloid: Don Johnson a Big Fag

According to The Globe, admittedly a rather sleazy supermarket tabloid, actor Don Johnson is a big gay homosexual. On a 1998 trip to a San Francisco video store, accompanied by a 20ish boy, the actor rented "Cop Daddies Playtime", and "Asian Studs", spent $130 on dildonica, and purchased various harness toys, for a grand total over $600. Oddly, purchases included a blowup doll of Christy Canyon, a female porn star, so we haven't quite figured Don out. In any event, they gave the actor a chance to respond, he claimed these purchases were for a bachelor party. No word on what the boy was for. [BTW, those videos are awful.]

  February 19, 2000  
George Michael's Favorite Cop Loses Suit

The cop who arrested George Michael has lost a $10M emotional distress suit against the former Wham! star. Marcelo Rodriguez did not like a video that depicted french kissing cops, uniformed dancing men, and other unspecified toilet shenanigans. The lawsuit was dismissed because Rodriguez is a public official, and thereby subject to all manner of ridicule. You will of course recall that Michael was arrested in April 1998 for wanking in front of Rodriguez, an undercover police officer, thereby making the singer subject to all manner of public ridicule as well.

  February 19, 2000  
Microsoft Truly Evil, Report Finds

According to a report quoted in Friday's French intelligence journal Le Monde du Renseignement, the U.S. National Security Agency (NSA) has collaborated with Microsoft Corporation to place secret spy code in copies of Microsoft Windows. The report was created by the French government's Strategic Affairs Delegation (DAS), a part of their defense ministry, and has not been released to the public.

(Yahoo Hong Kong)

  February 18, 2000  
UK Serial Killer Record Set

The end of January saw the conviction of Dr. Harold Frederick Shipman, Manchester area family practitioner, who apparently took a disliking to several of his patients. A rather strong disliking to about 150 of them. The conviction only covered about ten percent of these, all murdered with morphine, but Shipman long had a very high death rate and prodigious prescriptions of the narcotic issued by his hand. His antics exceed those of other English serial killers: Dennis Nilson (killed 16 homosexuals); Yorkshire Ripper (killed 13 women with hand tools); Jack the Ripper (not even on the charts.) Only time will tell if anyone has the testicular fortitude to top this feat of English persistence.
(The Economist)

  February 18, 2000  
Teaching Our Kids to be Narqs

Wave America, Inc., or "Working Against Violence Everywhere", is publicizing a phone number for school children to call if they witness threats of violence, etc. But that etc includes if you know someone who "is picked on or made fun of", suddenly has "little interest in school", is "intolerant", or "gets angry really often". Plus "Anything Else Harmful to You or Your School"! Toll free, completely confidential. Yes, we can breed a nation of narqs. I'm proud to be an American. Orwell would be proud too, even though he's English. So give it a call, report Something Important today!
(Subliminal message: My teacher sucks but won't swallow)

  February 17, 2000  
This Ain't Right

It's too late, I'm too tired
So all you have today are these scary balls to look at.
BE GLAD THEY AREN'T YOURS

regular programming will resume tomorrow

  February 16, 2000  
Penis Stapling OK Down Under

The Broadcasting Standards Authority of New Zealand ruled yesterday that video shown of a penis stapling to a crucifix is not in bad taste. The college student in question, Thomas Hendry, stapled his penis and scrotum to a white pine crucifix and lit it afire during a broadcast of How Far Will You Go?, in Christchurch NZ. Said Hendry after the performance, "I got a bit carried away and used 18 staples, 10 through the scrotum. It was a wee bit tender the next day." His mother, in the audience, commented "My son is a grown man and he wanted to do it." I suppose. The television station in question is state owned, and we must applaud them for this, while simultanously questioning Hendry's sanity. And no, we haven't received the video for this.
(Australian Associated Press, NZPA)

  February 16, 2000  
Drive-by Wanker At Large

A man in the Philadelphia area is performing drive-by wankings at McDonald's and Dunkin' Donuts fast food establishments, police said. The latest incident involved a wanking at a McDonalds drive-though, but not the customary throwing of semen at the clerk, as has occurred in previous wank-by's. In another instance, the man, an apparently well-endowed black male, was accompanied by a child. Yet another, at a donut eatery, the wank was caught on videotape.

(Philly News)

  February 16, 2000  
Phone Sex Operators Are Standing By

  February 15, 2000  
Jerry Lewis Will Never Date Again

During a session at the U.S. Comedy Arts Festival, comedian Jerry Lewis was asked if he had a favorite female comedienne. Not only did he not name a favorite, his answer was that "A woman doing comedy doesn't offend me, but sets me back a bit. I, as a viewer, have trouble with it. I think of her as a producing machine that brings babies in the world." Oh, Jerry! If you think you will actually go on another date with a woman, I mean, baby producing machine, think again kind sir. What do the French see in you anyway?

  February 15, 2000  
St. Valentine Found Dead

   

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