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  February 14, 2000  
Dr. Laura to Start Fall TV Talkshow

Dr. Laura Schlessinger, noted radio talk show host and author of several books of largely bad advice, will receive a Paramount TV talk show in Fall, entertainment industry sources have reported. For this she is receiving $3M, after a CBS deal ended a non-starter apparently because Howard Stern is associated with that syndicator. Dr. Laura credits include Ten Stupid Things Women Do To Mess Up Their Lives (one of which must surely include posing nude, see photo to right taken by her then-married boyfriend.)

  February 14, 2000  
Goldfish In Blender Art Exhibit Seized

In Copenhagen, Denmark, an exhibit by artist Marco Evaristti consisting of goldfish in a blender has been seized by police, after complaints by overenthusiastic do-gooders, Reuters reported. Participants were encouraged to switch on the blender, turning the live fish into soupy puree. It's just fish, people.

  February 14, 2000  
Ooh Nice Growth

  February 14, 2000  
Rotten News Roundup

Critic Rex Reed was arrested Saturday for shoplifting 3 music CD's, one of which was a fucking Mel Torme album.
One out of 476 circumcisions results in a fucking serious complication, reports a University of Washington study.
Twelve middle eastern inmates at Curtin Detention Center in Western Australia have stitched their lips together in protest to processing delays. The federal Australian government denies any fucking knowledge of this.
An Alton, Illinois pizza deliveryman was shot twice last week because the customer's pie was too fucking cold.
Two barrels of eels fell off a truck in Coos Bay, Washington, disrupting traffic for over a fucking hour.
Parliament has voted the new age of homosexual consent in UK to 16. And it's about bloody fucking time.
Underwriters who insure the "Who Wants to Be a Millionaire" game show on ABC have filed suit against the network because the questions are too fucking easy.

(Compiled by the Pottymouth)

  February 13, 2000  
Charles Schultz Finally Dead

Knocked up Lucy
"Damn You, Charlie Brown"
Painting on F105-D fuselage
(sorry about the bad image, it was poor to start with)

  February 13, 2000  
Man Hides Jap Schoolgirl for Ten Years

Abduction charges have been filed against Nobuyuki Sato, of Kashiwazaki Japan. A decade ago he kidnapped a nine year old Japanese schoolgirl at a baseball game, fed her, clothed her, and probably did evil things to her. This behavior may not be all that unusual in Japan, we hear. But the truly odd thing about this story is that Sato lived with his mother, who while disavowing knowledge of the fact that a girl lived in her house for ten years, "suspected" something was afoot.
(Originally reported by Reuters)

  February 12, 2000  
Miss Washington Back in Jail Again

Rose Marie Williams, who was Miss Washington 1958, has been thrown in jail again for running a house of prostitution in Seattle. The former beauty queen, now 60, has a history of being in the business. In 1971 she was charged with similar offenses, and has been arrested or the subject of police investigation four other times since 1966. Apparently the going rate was $200/hr, and she had about 150 customers, mostly of the white collar flavor. No word on any of the runner-ups.

(APB News)

  February 11, 2000  
Scary Anime From Japan

Yes, there are strict rules applied to Japanese anime with regards to pubic hair, penetration, and showing the vagina. But those rules don't necessarily result in healthier anime.

  February 11, 2000  
Rotten News Roundup

  • An old voodoo lady, 90, was arrested after kidnapping an 11 year old boy in Tanzania, for use as a zombie. She was stopped before the boy's tongue could be removed.
  • A jury in Kentucky awarded $2.3M in damages to a man who had his penis and a testicle removed without his consent.
  • The doctor at Beth Israel Medical Center who carved his initials into a patient after a caesarian section, has been charged with assault.
  • Minors are now prohibited from parading topless in Brazil's largest Mardi Gras festivities. [Cancelling my reservation.]
  • Actor Jim Varney will star in his next film, Ernest Goes To Morgue.
  •   February 10, 2000  
    Robbery of a Different Calibre

           
    At a Pinellas Park, Florida adult bookstore (XTC Adult Super Center), one Keith Vetter was arrested after brandishing a dildonic marital aid known as a vibrating tongue, demanding money from the store clerk. Now, we at Daily Rotten have obtained pictures of this device -- see footnote[1] -- and fail to see how it could be mistaken for a firearm, or any lethal weapon whatsoever.

    [1] Vibrating tongue (6 inches) and anal probe (skinny part is 3 inches), with a dual action power pack. The soft tongue vibrates and gyrates at multi-speeds while the anal probe vibrates at multi-speeds also. Device takes three AA batteries.

    (Originally reported by Associated Press)

      February 10, 2000  
    Man Kills Grandmother, Rapes Her Corpse

    This is complicated. In Philadelphia, Frederick Clark (age 27) killed his grandmother, Mary Benbow (age 63) over an argument regarding her boyfriend Tyrone Nixon (age 56). Clark had been raised by, and was living with and supported by his grandmother for some time, and was jealous about her boyfriend Tyrone. An argument broke out into violence, and the former McDonald's employee choked and repeatedly stabbed his grandmother, and then raped her corpse. Then he waited for Nixon to return home, and stabbed and killed him. [There are few things less healthy than raping a dead grandmother. Was it a complex call for help?]

    (Philadelphia Daily News)

      February 10, 2000  
    Don't Hate Me Because I'm Pretty

      February 9, 2000  
    Anthea Video: Mystery Explained

    A while back we received a rather interesting video, anthea.mpg ("Anthea Hit By Motorcycle"), without any other explanation. Well, diligent research has revealed that it is a training video dating to 1990, with Anthea Turner, but it was not actually staged to occur in the manner it does. A staged flash explosion is set off, igniting poor Anthea unintentionally, and she falls off the truck she was positioned on. Anthea suffered second degree burns, but sued for damages and won.

    download anthea.mpg (1.4M)

      February 9, 2000  
    Iron Butterfly


    Inna Gadda Da Vulva, Baby

      February 8, 2000  
    Best Not Be Marrying Kin

    County clerks in Kentucky are now required by law to ask if newlyweds are related to each other. First cousins, or closer relations, are not permitted to marry. Apparently this must be some big problem in Kentucky. We are not the least bit surprised.
    (Cincinnati Enquirer)

      February 8, 2000  
    Cannibal Eats Eyes, Testicles of Man

    On January 31 in Madang, Papua New Guinea, Moropia Silkapi ate fellow Papuan Yakamup Makatu's eyes, testicles, and heart, after an argument of unspecified nature. The incident occurred at Ono Works, east of the village, in front of many witnesses. But before police could arrive, the cannibal was fastened to a tree and beaten to death by angry relatives of the man's final meal.
    (Originally reported by Reuters)

      February 7, 2000  
    Device for the Anally Nasal

    This is the Nori, a device we found that apparently will help the most anally retentive nose cleaner. And no, this is not a doctored photo, and people really do use this.

    From the instructions: "While leaning over a sink, tilt your head sideways and slightly insert the spout (outlet) into one nostril. Slowly lift the Nori so the salt water flows into the nostril. Important: Your mouth must stay open! The salt water will flow through the nasal passage and come out of the other nostril." I don't want to try it.

    (Submitted by Lady Carolin)

      February 7, 2000  
    Send us your FUCK YOU pix

    Okay you people, with your digital cameras and all. Take pictures of yourself or your friends giving the finger, and send them to us, via email to Deep Throat or to the postal address on the rotten.com contact page (if not digital). They can be pornographic if you must. Be creative. If we like them, they'll show up here. If we don't like them or you don't have any, you suck.

      February 7, 2000  
    Brain Surgery Blamed for Head Dismemberment

    A man who was found with his wife's decapitated head in a box has blamed his earlier brain surgery for his behavior. Police entered Kip Artz' residence on July 15 after his wife Patricia was reported missing, finding burnt flesh, blood residue everywhere, and a box containing his wife's skull. It is not known how the victim was killed. The surgery used by the defense was to repair a blood clot in the head of the suspect; relatives testified to Kip's altered and forgetful behavior after the operation.
    (Detroit Free Press)

      February 6, 2000  
    Less Talk More Cock

    The editor was out of town, so February 6 is late. Some people complain there is not enough cock in Dailyrotten, and others complain that there is way too much cock. Anyway, here's more cock.

      February 5, 2000  
    Cuban Boy's Grandmother a Big Pervert

    The grandmother of Elian Gonzalez, the Cuban boy which Fidel Castro is demanding the return of, has shocked Miami residents with her behavior:
    • She bit the boy's tongue. Exactly why she did this is not clear.
    • She unzipped the boy's pants, with the words, "Let me see, let me see ... if it has grown." The story does not report whether it had grown, or remained boylike. We presume the latter.

    This seems to be pretty much standard behavior for a grandmother in Cuba, judging by the lack of reaction by Cubanos to the tale. But Miami residents are shocked, not being used to grandmotherly penile examinations and all. [We'll never get used to them.]

    (Originally reported by Associated Press)

      February 5, 2000  
    China Celebrates New Years with Beatings

    China opened the Year of the Dragon with the ceremonial beating and detainment of over 50 Falun Gong "cult members", on Friday. Falun Gong is a nonviolent, harmless form of meditation and exercise, yet is still banned by the Red Chinese Government because it is a non-state influence. [On a side note, due to it now being the Year of the Dragon, offspring born this year are propitiously blessed. Record amounts of fucking are expected.]

      February 5, 2000  
    French Suicidal, But Not Suicidal Enough

    A survey by the Sofres company has yielded the finding that 32% of French citizens have contemplated suicide to varying degrees. We find this number surprisingly high, but not high enough. This website urges you, if you are French, to cross this Maginot Line of the soul and consider it! Anyone who has met a French person will concur.

      February 4, 2000  
    Diarrhea Popularity Soars

    A group of scientists in the Lancet journal of medicine, postulate the theory that the El Nino weather pattern has increased the incidence of diarrhea in South America dramatically. The theory involves a complicated relationship between temperature, rainfall, and the E-coli and salmonella bacteria. Diarrhea is now even bigger than Menudo, we are told, but not as big as Ricky Martin.
    (Originally reported by Reuters)

      February 4, 2000  
    Dead Kitties at the Pound


    Yes, this is nasty, and we're ashamed.

      February 4, 2000  
    Bull Semen Theft Reported

    A former employee is suspected of stealing $6000 of bull semen on January 27 from a ranch in Waukena, California. The suspect, Antemio Lopez, remains at large. Apparently there is a bull semen blackmarket, as it is required for milk cows to begin producing their milk, in addition to the expected reproductive purposes.
    (APB News)

      February 3, 2000  
    Autoerotic Device Makes Men Obsolete

    We've been presented with this alarming visual evidence that the male role in society may soon be obsolete. We are disturbed that something so precious to us, our very cocks, might be rendered superfluous by this so-called "industrial revolution". But nevertheless, it's pornography, so enjoy this penetrating video.

        download autoerot.mpg (194k)

    Hooray for steam power!
    Hooray for Robert Fulton and his invention!

    (This is all Biscotti's fault)

      February 3, 2000  
    CIA Director Visited Porn Sites

    It has been revealed that former CIA director John Deutch, currently in a scandal because of bringing CIA secrets home on an unsecured laptop computer, visited raunchy porn sites on the Internet with that very same computer. It has not been made public what sites were visited, or what fetishes Deutch has, or what his wife thinks of all this. He blames "another family member", but then this raises a worse issue, that of a noncleared individual having access to the reams of highly confidential and sensitive data on the laptop system.

    dirty old man
    (CBS)

      February 2, 2000  
    Jerkcity Founder Avoids AlaskaAir Crash

    Rands, founder of the popular web comic strip Jerkcity, narrowly averted death on Monday during a routine trip from Seattle/Tacoma to San Jose via Alaskan Airlines. Flight 280, which stops in San Jose enroute to Puerto Vallarta, was the same plane as Flight 261, which plunged into the Pacific Ocean later that same day, killing all 88 passengers on board. Commented Rands, "HUGALUGLGALGLUG." [Editor's note: This is entirely true. We wish Rands luck and many glorious cocksucking years to come.]

      February 2, 2000  
    Superhero Gets Little Respect

      February 2, 2000  
    A Lifetime of Spice Girls

    The Spice Girls have won the Lifetime Achievement Award at this year's Brit Awards, the UK's sad version of the Grammies. What better way to recognize four agonizing years in music, the highs and the lows, of an exceptionally talented band. Also, on the controversial bulimia issue, Posh Spice has this to say: "We were out at dinner the other day and I was absolutely bursting for the toilet and it's quite sad to think you can't even go to the toilet because if you do, people are going to think you're throwing up." We can think of no finer choice.

      February 2, 2000  
    Yes, but can they go Potty

    Colorado College is replacing its admissions exams with a Lego test, aimed at colored applicants who perform poorly on standardized tests. The lego test, part of a battery of 14 nontraditional tests, evaluates group communication and leadership qualities by asking clusters of 8-10 applicants to duplicate a robot. There is no word on the university's potty requirements for admission; hopefully they have not been relaxed as well.

    (Denver Post)

      February 1, 2000  
    The NFL Menace

    A crime wave by NFL players continues this week with yesterday's arrest of Ray Lewis, Baltimore linebacker, in Atlanta for a murder after the Superbowl. This comes after the arrest of Rae Carruth, a Carolina Panthers wide receiver, who allegedly shot his knocked-up girlfriend in a drive-by shooting. And not to mention numerous drug, assault, and other charges racked up by NFL players over the last few years. It is high time that NFL be considered a gang under the law and players be prosecuted under the various gang statutes in each state. Additionally, federal prosecutions ought to occur under RICO (Racketeering Influenced and Corrupt Organizations) laws, the very laws used to prosecute Mafia and other crime organizations. We will not be safe until our streets are removed of this evil.

      February 1, 2000  
    Tabloid: Crown of Jesus Found

       
        The esteemed publication Sun is reporting that the Crown of Thorns of Jesus Christ was found near Aleppo, on the bank of the Euphrates river in Babylonia, now Syria. The crown, found in a tomb dating to 1189, is attributed to one Raoul de Marmande, Templar Knight, and an acacia thorn crown in "perfect condition" was resting next to the deceased. What is not explained is how this crown is attributed to Jesus, how some random Templar found it 1150 years after the death of the Savior, or why nobody's heard of this ever before. Huzzah!

       

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