This is obviously not a joke and should be taken seriously.|
Right now there are some total wankers on Neocities who are spamming fellow NC user Rocketmix and are even allegedly trying to get his e-mail address, which, by the way, his e-mail address is email@example.com so spam that one, lads. Anyway, these people (who is probably just one person, I say that because they have all posted in the same minute of each other) go by the usernames; m35084, loper, pampered, erazor, b34152, m34713, a34782 and some other usernames that I really can't be bothered to find are all asking Rocketmix to follow them.
So, I made this page to help inform YOU how to get more followers - and you can trust me, I have like, five followers on Neocities!
How To Get More Le Followers
Step I: Have A Big Ego
Having a big ego on this site is a great first step to getting a lot of
followers as people will want to see how
Step II: Don't Post Original Content While you may think that your original content is good, let's be honest, most people think it's shit. So why waste your time and theirs when you can just go online and steal- borrow- I mean borrow someone else's work? Some great places to... "borrow" other people's work is Reddit, YouTube, 4chan and any other popular website right now.
Here is a great tip: if someone calls you out, just say some BS like "oh, it falls under Fair Use" or "I'm only using my First Amendment" when in reality both of those statements are total rubbish and you're just being a dickhead!
Step III: Be Sexy Lookin' Yes, that's right, if your good looking and you post photos of yourself online, people are sure to follow you just to see your good looks. For an added bonus, rub it in, say stuff like "I woke up like this, LOL!" - people love people who do this!
Step IV: Have A Shitty Website Banner Having an 88x31 banner that other people can put on their site is a great start for building bridges between people, but did you know having a shitty website banner will not only increase views to your site but will also up the number of followers you have?
Now, below this text are some examples of some great website banners, they all are unique and express what their website will feel like; for example, by looking at Lily's Flower Garden's banner, you can already tell that their site will be My Little Pony inspired.
Now, keeping this and the "shitty website banner will not only increase views" thing in mind, what matters more to you - having a good-looking banner with fewer views OR having a shitty banner with more views? If you said "shitty banner" you'd be right! Because views and followers matter much more than integrity.
Some good ways of making a shitty banner are using MS Paint, making the banner a .jpeg, making the banner bigger than 88x31, not using nice colours and overall do a sloppy job. If you followed my steps, you should come up with something like this...
If you did, good job, give yourself a pat on the back and a bullet to the head! People are sure to link you now!
Step V: Use Other People's Code Much like original content, you are only wasting your own time, so the best thing for using code is to use other people's. Just go on someone's website that you like, uh, I don't know, for example, go to https://2bit.neocities.org/ and if you're on a PC press CTRL+U to view the code and if you're on Mac sell it for a PC. Once you "borrowed" the code you can claim you made it yourself. Good job, you're a real hero!
Step VI: Hotlink So if you don't know about websites, you may not know what "hotlinking" is, so let me explain; hotlinking means showing an image on a website by linking from another website, rather than saving a copy of it on the website on which the image will be shown. Got that? Good.
While the act of saving an image to your own website is pissing easy, hotlinking it from other websites is even better, I would recommend using websites like Photobucket, Imgur, TinyPic and any other image hosting websites to hotlink from. If you want to want to be the very best, I would recommend hotlinking from other Neocitie websites. Hey, why not copy this code below so you can hotlink on your own website???
Step VII: Do Your Best You're no a real Neocities' user unless you take a huManS Life IN CoLD BLood, gOD, iT FEeL so GOOD To WATch a hUmAn Life Die BeFORE yoUR veRy eYEs. F̟͎͔̠̣̯Ṷ͍̤͈̟̭͠C҉̥̹͇̦̺K̵͖͓̯I̞̝̥̪̹̻̫̪͘͝N̷͔͔G̨̜̫͟ ͓͝͡D̨̥͎O̡͓̱̤͕̕͟ ̴̰̝̱͔̲͡ͅI̶̳͈͈̥Ţ̺̱͉̦̤̗̰ ͈̗̲̗̜͢Y̡̟͙̭ͅO̸̢͈̩̞͕͍͇Ư̲̗̠͇̭̟͕ ̥̬͞H̢̼̤̝̯̰̝͞ͅŲ̷̙̲̝̻̘͕̮͚M̖̖͔͝A̛҉͕͔̪̖̟̜̺N̲̯ ͘͏͈S̳̭̟̟̤C̨̲̝͖͜Ư͚̼̫̦͘M̡̳͖ ̧̹̭̯̥F͚̞̲̬͇O̸͉̘͡R͔͎̫̺̜ ͈̱̭͙͇̭͕̞O̹̤̤U̷҉͎̣̹ͅR̲͓ ͕̜̻͇̥͕̫́ͅD҉̯̣͓A̧̛̯̻̙̥̺̙̕Ŗ̸̤K̳̟͈ ̳͍̼̼̲̹̘Ļ̠̳̙̥̼O̢̥̤̜̝̮̪̯͢͜R̷͙̘̗̣̘͎D̶͍̟͉̳̘͝.̻ ̢͇̖̪̹͎͖̟̙͍͝ D̶͖͍̤̲̞̫̖͍͎͟ͅO҉̵̷̡̥̩̫̬̯ ̷̛̀҉͖̮͍̯̞̱̹͖͖͉̪͈̙̰̜̜I̵̴̜̹͚͇͟T̢̝̣̠͎͇͙̗͍͎͘͝ͅ.̡̜͍̗̞̫̜͉̦̭̠̪̩̤̙͘ ̨͏͖̩͓̟͚̲͘̕W͜҉̕҉̢̙͇̣͈̩͕̳̖̙͓͖̳É̷̷̩͈͔̤̻̘̱̬̜͖́ ̨̢̦̙̗̹̀̕͟Ą̸̭̲̗̠̩̟͉̫͈͟L҉̺̳̻̮͘͡L͏͟͡͏̡͍̬͍̠͔͇̣̙͖͓̲ͅ ̴̹͖͖͔͍͙͖̜̝̳͖͚̜̞̯̯͉̮͔̕͠͠D҉̞̼̼̜͎͉̲̘̰̜͇͍̯̫̳͙̦̘̥̀I͏̸̯̙̘̬̟̫͇̘͖̯͎̺̳̼͘͢É͏̗̟̝̬͉̹͙͉̲̻͡,̸̤͕̠̟̜̘̙̲̖̙̭͘͝ ̸̡̖͈̘̩̱̳̬̱̩̙͇̠͓̤̱̭̹ͅS̷̩̣̳͇̜͜͡O̴̸̦̟͕̝̟͇͉͖̭̟̖̤̕͞͝ ͜͝҉̯̹̯̹̙̼̺̹̞̜̗̥̠͡ͅW̟̥͉̙̱̙͕̝̮̠̣͢͜͞Ḩ͡͏̤͓͚̜͈͍̯͓Y̸҉̳̭̘̫̠̟̻̦͎͉͎̯̯͎̟͉̀̕͘ ̡̢͎̖̺͚̤̫̰̜̩͈̦̤̫͎̺̀͘ͅͅN̷͖̦̫̫̮̟̞̜̖̞͜͞O̷̖̠̼̹̩͖̬̹͢ͅT̙̻̝͇̞̲̩͙̫͚̠͍̜̹̤̜̠̕͟ ҉̸̰̜̺͚̫̬͇̙̞̫͖̳̥̞̼̼̀D̵̨͓̼̹̭͙̟̕I̷̷̪̫͖͚̘̦̱̬͕ͅͅÈ̡̨̞̺̞͓̬̱̗̦̲͜͞ ̢̨͈̗̱̼̲̣̪̕͝ͅF̟̠͚̭̻̝̼̺̟̳̗̜̰̜̝̘͙͉̭͜͝͞O̸̷̵̹̯̬̯̻̠̲̬͚̮̟̺̪̗̫͍͜R̶̀͞͏̦̭̲̺̲͇̮̝̣̲͈̟͓͚̩̠͔ͅ ͏͎̜̤͈̺͔̙̯̘̝̼̼̮̝ͅT̴̹̪͉͎͖͖̱̳̭͡͝Ḩ̵̣̫͕̥̟̝̝͙̙̮̀̀͟E̸̷̛̮̞͙̺̝̹͓ ̴̴̫̹͕̥͉̙̞͎̗͓͈͇̞̤̗͓͇͜͞D̴̺̤͕̪̦̲̘̼́͜A̵̢͏̧̲͕̻̹̬̮̣͔͚͞R̻̩̗̖͖̘͔̞͓͎̪͍̪̦̰̭̕ͅK҉̭̘͎̺͖̙̮͈̺̤͓̬̱́ ̢̧͟͏̡̲͈̻͖͚̺͔͍̼̼̱̻̖L̥͚͙͙͇̟̝͚̝͖̞͜͝͞ͅÒ͉͍͖͙͡R̶̶̯͕̗̩̥̳̫̘̞̪̪D̷̨͙̼̰̞̮͇͔͚́͘͞ ̡̹̤̘͖̩̰̝̣̭̞͉͞ Ź̵̷̧̰͔͇̟̭͖̠͆̔͌ͧ͐͆ͧ̊͂̇̋̍̓̾ͮ̈́͝A̷̵̝̟̜̗͓̭̪͕͙̱͎͈͚ͥͣ̂͊͌͝L̀̓̐ͦ͆͛̏͞͏̶̢̜̝͚̝͍̱͔͍̠̲͈͚̘̩̤̳̻́ͅG͒ͨ̌̊ͬͩͪ͆͆ͪ̇̽̈́̎̇ͯ͑ͯ̋҉̴̴̮͈̫̼̟̺̭͕̙̦̩̪̦̙͇̥͉̥͜Ỏ̢̫̯̰̻͉͓͓͍̱͔̖̙̪͕̤̹͈͕̿ͧ̉ͮͥ̍̋̀́ͪ̂ͧ͢͜͠. YOu kNow You WANT TO juMp intO ThE fIrE for OuR darK LoRD, ZALGO, WHo wILL onE day come back to taKE BACk HiS roLe AS tHe ruLER oF eARTh anD aLL of the sOuLS oN EARTH. hIs timE WiLL comE.
Step VIII: Link To Illegial Sreaming Websies Don't you just hate paying for TV shows? I know I sure do! Why not just turn your site into one giant database for illegal showings of Anime? People really like not paying for stuff, by doing this, it's a favour to them! You're helping people out, this means you're a nice person! Some people might say that it's not helping the people who made the show as they make no money because of you, but that's utter rubbish, the show that you're linking to on your website is getting views, so more views = more people knowing about the show. It's a win-win, duh!
Now, remember, if someone calls you out, just say it falls under Fair Use, if you can't be bothered for someone to call you out, just copy+pase the first sentence on Wikipedia about Fair Use!
Step IX: Make a Bad Fan Site
Do you have a love for Sonic The Hedgehog,
My Little Pony,
or any other shitty
fandom? If you do why don't
Making a fan site in basic HTML is a fun and exciting way to get people to hate you even more than they normally would in real life. To make a great fan site, make sure you use screencaps from the show with some Rule 34 made in MS Paint in between for good measure.
Step X: Harass Other Neocitie Users into Following You Harassing people normally can be fun, but it's not fun when the police get involved, but dod you know that you can harass people online? Try spamming their inbox with threats, make sure you're an arsehole to them and they stop going online - you know, be an overall cunt - people love when you do that! Make sure you hide your IP address!
Recap + End Hopefully, this short list was helpful to you so that you can be a wanker on the Net! Here is a short recap; 1) Have a big ego 2) don't post OC 3) be hot 4) have a shitty banner 5) "borrow" code from other people 6) hotlink 7) do your best 8) link to illegal streaming websites 9) make a fan site 10) harass other people - now, if you follow these steps, you should be as popular as say, A.N. Lucas, Melon Kingdom, Tomato Hentai, or even Hitler! Once you get the most follows on Neocities' post your results on the Neocities le Reddit, or just save everyone's time and end your pitiful life, remember kids; Wine is fine, but whiskey's quicker, suicide is slow with liqueur.
Inspired by Rocketmix's blog post "How to get followers"
Written by Clive "James" Python, 2017-10-10.