Hip With The Kids

By Clive Python | 14jammar

Let's go back to the past, to read some shitty articles, that suck ass. While looking thru my computer, I found that I had an article from The Times called "You thought Lol was weird.txt" and inside it was a shitty article talking about how Club Penguin (RIP) made a great guide for rents to learn all about the hip slang of their stupid, overstimulated millennial child, who keeps on screaming thru a broken headset at his other pumped-up-on sugar friends at..

Anyway, let us jump into The Times arcicle from September of 2013. Nothing will prepare you for this.

Young people, and those who spend much of their lives online, may be aware that jelly is not just a wobbly pudding, that swag has nothing to do with burglars and beach does not always refer to a sandy place by the seaside.

Their parents, however, most likely do not: just as they have no idea what derp means, let alone butters or jank.


Claire Hardaker, Professor of Linguistics at Lancaster University, has translated passages from Romeo and Juliet and Oliver Twist into the language young people use online. She said: "Children have always been wonderful innovators who delight in creating new words [...] with young people increasingly communicating online, soaking up dozens of new words, slang language is evolving at lightning speed, particularly words of praise or insult.

Okay, so everything seems to be fine here, right... well... not so. While Club Penguin did make a very small PDF of slang words used by little shits children, they also had the balls to dig up the grave of Charles Dickens and shit all over his masterpiece Oliver Twist (in a figure of speech). You see, they updated the iconic scene where Oliver asks for more food. it is painful to read.

The original goes as so...

"Please, sir, I want some more."

The master was a fat, healthy man; but he turned very pale. He gazed in stupefied astonishment on the small rebel for some seconds; and then clung for support to the copper. The assistants were paralysed with wonder; the boys with fear.

"What!" said the master at length, in a faint voice.

"Please, sir," replied Oliver, "I want some more."

The master aimed a blow at Oliver's head with the ladle; pinioned him in his arms; and shrieked aloud for the beadle.

The board were sitting in solemn conclave, when Mr Bumble rushed into the room in great excitement, and addressing the gentleman in the high chair, said: "Mr Limbkins, I beg your pardon, sir! Oliver Twist has asked for more!"

And the updated story by "WorkhouseWaif (Oliver Twist)" called "Worst. Day. Ever."...

OMG... crabbiest dy EVR. @dnr hd 2 ask th WkHs Mstr 4sum mr gruel. He's a fat dub jock & strd @me lyk I wz a n00b. Thn he sd "lolwhut?!" so I copypastad & he wnt totally outers, whackd me w/ th ladl, n scrmd 4 mr b. whn mr b hrd, he wnt str8 2th brd n wuz lyk, "omg, mr l, OT askd 4more!"x

Now if you're feeling like you want to hang yourself after reading that, don't worry, most people will feel the same way too after reading it.

Anyway, my crappy writing style is nothing to that of the Netmums forum. Let's see what the users of said site think of all of this...

Rachel H writes...

I've never heard anyone speak like that in real life, those aren't even words just horrible sounds!! My dd is only 23 months old and her speech is really brilliant and I want it to stay that way, I will refuse to let her grow up talking like some kind of moron!

Gayle swoops in and writes...

Ive heard a few of those words normally on reality shows not in RL however i always wondered what YOLO means and learnt this week what it does mean from Philip Schoffield on This Morning!!

And our last quote from Netmums comes from Shannon W, who writes...

Ive seriously never heard of anyone of these apart from Reem thanks to joey essex and YOLO as it very overused and I'm only 20. Kids don't talk like this its just ridiculous there is many slang words out there that children use but within there own communities and different parts of the country. In London they tend to use INNIT alot its getting very overused on Eastenders.

Geordies have lots of slang words such as Aye (Yes) and I Divina (I dont know) I'm very used to these and many other of these phrases as I am a geordie and some of the phrases of Geordie shore are stupid they basically made them up. Different parts of the county have different term. Every accent have there own slang words its not the kids its the area they are brought up in they get there slang from.

While reading forum comments of Netmums is fine for a hours or three, it's not as good as reading comments found on The Daily Mail!

Al Beverley from Beverley writes this pint...

In the time it took to compile and publish playground language will have changed.

jenny from "napoli" writes...

If children cant speak english then I wont bother with them until they learn !

Expat in Vancouver knows what's going on...

I urge the Grandparents to fight back on this one, and embarrass their grandkids by making up slang adult language... They might start to use proper English then! For instance, start telling your friends (and grandkids!) things like 'LTMNAT' - 'Laughing Too Much Need Another Tena', 'DMTACFT' - 'Dropped My Teeth, And Cant Find Them', 'NTMIWBAC' - 'Never Too Much Info Where Bowels Are Concerned', 'CQIHAA' - 'Come Quick, I've Had An Accident', 'NMTLFAC' - Never Mind, Too Late, Fetch A Cloth... 'grids' - 'grandkids', 'K-Pats' - Knitting Patterns, 'bogo' - 'buy one, get one' (can be used when referring to pensioners day down the local cafe - ie. 'ooh yes, it's bogo day on breakfasts on Tuesday's!'), and so on, and so forth... Before you know it, kids will be thinking that the olds are so lameand will be begging for their own personal copy of the Oxford Dictionary. Maybe.

While looking at the references I failed to see any links that lead to Club Penguin apart from a now dead link that leads to a 404. The link was the aforementioned PDF. If you have a link/copy/miscellaneous information of "WorkhouseWaif (Oliver Twist)", the translated passages from Romeo and Juliet and the Club Penguin guide, please contact me via my Twitter or E-Mail. Thanks!


Digital dictionary helps parents translate youngsters' online argot - The Times
https://www.thetimes.co.uk/article/digital-dictionary-helps-parents-translate-youngsters-online-argot-5t2s3jtzlg9 [archive.is]

Dub, tekkers, YOLO...'Rents' baffled by children's speech - Netmums
https://www.netmums.com/coffeehouse/general-coffeehouse-chat-514/news-current-affairs-12/988409-dub-tekkers-yolo-rents-baffled-childrens-speech-all.html [Internet Archive, archive.is]

Legit Tekkers for Dub Rents - Club Penguin help parents decipher online kidspeak - Cheryl Pasquier
http://madhousefamilyreviews.blogspot.co.uk/2013/09/legit-tekkers-for-dub-rents-club.html [Internet Archive, archive.is]

Do you understand your children? New dictionary for 'rents' (or parents) will help you translate - The Daily Mail
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2417038/Are-bit-dub-comes-youth-speak-New-dictionary-rents-help-unravel-terms-used-youngsters.html [archive.is]

Written by Clive "James" Python, 14/06/17.