Trying to Understand Clive

Clive "James" Python

If you had the misfortune of reading one of Clive's god-awful "articles" you might have read something you did not quite understand. It's not your fault; it's the wanker known as Clive's fault.

Because of this, we have made a nice handy guide to help you try and understand Clive's shitty work.

Words He Can't Spell

Clive is from the UK and because of this he thinks it's okay to spell words differently - one example of this is the odd idea that you need to add the letter "U" to most words.


Despite THE FACT that honor does not need the letter "U" in it, Clive barely justifies this obvious spelling mistake by saying it's how you spell it in British English; while this is how you spell it in the UK, Neocities is owned by two Americans. So Clive should spell it the correct way. The American way.


If you have the bad luck of going to the UK you should scream this word out loud so everyone can hear you.


Yeah, nothing like being cool and ironic is there?

Because Clive has the brain of a 13-year-old who just got off watching Foamy the squirrel on he must have just found out what sarcasm is, and because of this, he will use this all the time from now on until the day he dies.

Also see Poe's law.

Poe's law

Poe's law is an Internet adage that states that, without a clear indicator of the author's intent, it is impossible to create a parody of extreme views so obviously exaggerated that it cannot be mistaken by some readers or viewers as a sincere expression of the parodied views.


Clive can't stop himself from inserting the word "however" in his work - this is because he is a shitty writer and should stop writing.

Rotten Dot Com

Being that Clive was born sometime between 1980 and 2008 he has seen the soft-gore website known as and wow, he can click links and somehow managed to go to the Rotten Library and liked it so much that he made his own library. But unlike the Rotten Library, the OwlMan "Library" is shit.


Want to know where it all started? Well Clive's website was a Poundland knockoff of Jason Scott's What's sad here is that Cive's old website was made as an archive for ASCII "art".


Yeah, it looks like Clive is being a fucking fanboy over X subject again. Sorry about him.

Also see Doom.


Is Clive talking about a death or a killer again? Yeah, what a weird guy.


Clive regrets and or dislikes what he wrote in this article but keeps it online for no reason at all.


Oh good Lord is Clive talking about Doom again? Yeah, he seems to like that game, doesn't he?


Short for "Public Information Film", a PIF is a film made in the UK to teach and inform the public about a possible danger.

Some examples of this would be "Protect and Survive", "King of the Road", "Apaches" etc.

PIFs are not to be confused with propaganda. PIFs and propaganda are two different things.

While the term "PIF" refers to films made in the UK they are sometimes used to talk about none-British films.

Conspiracy Theory

This article deals with that of a conspiracy theory, it is important to note while some theories do have some truth to them, most conspiracy theories are utter rubbish.

When reading an article on a conspiracy theory it is best to keep an open mind and think about the facts.

Tongue 'n' Cheek

This article is somewhat of a joke; it is most likely making fun of someone's views.

Link Rot

Link rot is a term used to describe any link that now leads to a 404 page, this can be for a number of reasons;

  • The website was removed or is dead
  • The owner of the site removed the page
  • Links may be removed as a result of legal action or court order
  • A website might change its domain name. Links pointing to the old name might then become invalid.
  • More Causes

Currently, the only reason why you will find a dead link on this site is because it was taken down. A lot of pages were taken down on the 18th of January 2017 due to the fact that the site was mostly used to host third party content.

Before the pages were removed, they were manually archived in The Internet Archive's Wayback Machine. Sadly, some pages before the 18th of January 2017 were removed but never archived, however, they are not lost as Clive will have a backup of them.

This Morning

This Morning is a British daytime television programme that is broadcasted on ITV and is hosted by Phillip Schofield and Holly Willoughby.

Joey Essex

Best know for appearing in the ITV2 television series The Only Way Is Essex ("TOWIE") with several of his family and friends. Essex has also been see on "I'm a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here!", "8 Out of 10 Cats" and "Celebrity Juice".


To quote Textfile's Jason Scott...

There is a good chance some people reading this page have never heard the term "pr0n". As far as I can discern, it is a play off of the mistyping of the shorthand word for pornography, "porn", with a transposed set of letters inside, "pron". This, ostensibly, is because the writer is some sort of spastic loser who can't spell correctly. The 0 for the o in "pron" cements this reputation.


Old coputer slang used to mean pirated software.


A bisexual is someone who can wank to whatever they like. Fact.

Written by Clive "James", 22/02/17.*/*